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For a while now, I've wanted to do a series on wedding planning from the groom's perspective. Finding the right person to write these articles was easy because I got to work with a wonderful couple last year, Emily and Danny, on their fabulous wedding at the Ritz Carlton. During our journey together, I watched how they worked and planned their wedding together. Afterwards, I got to know Danny even better, so it wasn't hard for me to ask him to be our honorary guest blogger. He will be gracing us with a few articles from the male perspective. Join me in welcoming Danny.

For his first article, Danny offers his advice to brides who want to get their other half involved:

A wedding is a very memorable and expensive event. For one special day, everyone important in your life will be together with you. But it only lasts a day, so every minute is precious. Every bride wants her wedding to be perfect -with no details missed or time wasted. High expectations are what make wedding planning so stressful, for the bride at least.

As a groom, you cannot change these expectations, and you should not try. The success of the wedding is a direct result of the wedding planning process and experience, and the most productive and enjoyable wedding planning experiences happen when both the bride and groom are involved. “Involved” is a tricky word, because for the groom, there's a fine line between being helpful and just getting in the way. Here are some tips to support your bride throughout this process.

Get involved early - Commitment needs to be established early. There are lots of moving parts, and getting them to move together requires planning far in advance. The most effective way to help is to get involved with your bride at the start of the process. Making decisions throughout the planning process requires a lot of knowledge about past decisions and justifications. If you jump into the process halfway through the planning and are not familiar with all of the work that has already been done, your bride will have to spend a lot of time explaining stuff to you. This will be frustrating for her, and she may find it easier to make decisions on her own. By getting involved early, your bride will listen and trust your opinion more.

Stick to your strengths - Many aspects of a wedding cater to a woman's strengths -arts and crafts for invitation design, fashion and interior design for outfits and floral arrangements, and a refined palette for dinner and cake tasting.

During the planning process, you will find that in many conversations, you won't feel comfortable giving an opinion. Tell her that you don't feel strongly either way, and that you'll support whatever she decides. She will appreciate your honesty. But, there are also many skills that you bring to the conversations, and you should make sure to contribute at the right times. She'll be busy matching colors, picking out fabrics, and choosing invitation stencils, and likely won't have time to worry about other details such as:

• Having a project plan to make sure things get done on time - Help her to keep track of when invitations need to get mailed out, deposits/retainers need to get paid, favors/presents need to get ordered, etc. Inevitably, the guest list will far outnumber the reception venue seating capacity. You can help by being creative with table/seating layout, and to carefully dividing the guest list into A, B, and C groups.
• Staying in budget- This little detail is often “overlooked”. A few gentle reminders here and there when certain expenses run over budget will help avoid last-minute budgeting crises later.
• Organizing logistics- Picking up out of town guests, reserving hotel wedding room blocks, organizing work sessions with the wedding party, making the wedding day timeline, etc.

There are so many details and dependencies to consider, so many mini deadlines to keep track of, that no bride can remember them all. Your job is to stay one step behind her, and make sure all of the loose ends are tied up. It's not a glamorous job, but it is an important one and one that makes a big difference between a well-planned wedding and one that has lots of last-minute emergencies.

Choose your words carefully - Whether you choose to believe it or not, wedding planning is a stressful process, and there will be times when the stress gets the better of the both of you. This is why as you help your bride plan the wedding, you need to show her that you genuinely share her excitement.

When you agree with her decisions, wholeheartedly agree instead of saying “Whatever you say, honey.” When you have an opinion or criticism to share, make it as constructive as possible, so that the two of you can agree on a solution together. “You're wrong.” or “That'll never work” will probably get you the silent treatment, and silence between you and your fiancee is time wasted. Always keep in mind that brides are happiest when they make the final decision, even if it was you who steered her to the decision. Take an extra second or two to choose your words carefully when you discuss your wedding plans, and you'll waste less time arguing and have more time for wedding planning.

Bottom line: Wedding planning is a big task, and takes a long time. It may be a chore to you, but it is a dream for her. By helping her with the planning, you provide emotional support, and help to plug the little logistical details that she may have missed. It is still work in the end, but the effort is worth it and the rewards are great (I'm not just talking about the wedding presents)!

What ways is your groom helping with the wedding planning?

Photography by Lisa Leigh
Floral and Event Design by Nancy Liu Chin Designs
Wedding Planning by Jubilee Lau Events
Lighting by Enhanced Lighting