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Christina Friedrichsen, Winsor, Ontario, Canada Vendor: Wedding Writer Website: Intimate Weddings About Me: Christina Friedrichsen is the author of Intimate Weddings: Planning a Small Wedding that Fits Your Budget and Style and owner of IntimateWeddings.com. She wrote Intimate Weddings after planning her own 50-guest wedding. She wants other brides to feel confident in their decision to have an intimate wedding – even if their ideas buck convention. She wants couples to feel a sense of validation and to hear about all the wonderful things a small wedding can offer them. IntimateWeddings.com provides brides with a slew of planning articles, as well as a place to find small wedding venues. The Intimate Weddings Blog is chock full of fresh ideas for planning a small wedding, as well as real weddings and a slew of creative DIY wedding ideas that cut costs without sacrificing quality.
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Kids at Wedding - Photo courtesy of Ralph Heinz Photography

Want to open a can of worms? Tell people you want a “no children wedding”. You’ll get a few supporters, but others will secretly scorn you. Namely, the ones on your guest list who can’t imagine leaving their little ones with a babysitter.

Having a kid-free wedding is one way to scale back the guest list for a small wedding, but be prepared for criticism. Judging by the comments on some bridal forums, there are some pretty strong opinions about kids and weddings. Some can’t imagine why anyone wouldn’t allow kids. They argue that it’s anti-family not to invite children and that weddings are all about family. Others can’t comprehend why anyone would want little ones underfoot at such an “adult” event.

We had kids at our wedding. Mind you, there were only three – but I wouldn’t have had it any other way. That said, I understand why some couples opt for a “no children wedding”. Couples generally spend months orchestrating their weddings – not to mention saving for them. Along comes one tantrum throwing toddler, and “kaboom!” perfection is destroyed – especially if it happens during the vows.

Kids are unpredictable. They cry. They make messes. They bump into things and are known to stick their fingers into places that they shouldn’t (e.g. cake, nose, you get the picture.) But oftentimes, they’re also surprisingly well-behaved during special occasions and can add a lot to your big day.

If you are sure you want a “no children wedding”, how do you ensure that your adult guests won’t bring their offspring?

Whether your motives for going kid-free are a limited guest list, or a morbid fear that crying babies, tantrum throwing toddlers and playful preschoolers will wreak havoc on your wedding, here are some ways to get the message across to your guests that kids aren’t invited:

• Before you send out the invites, call friends and family who have kids and let them know that a wedding invitation is on the way and that you have opted for a “no children wedding”. That way they will have time to line up babysitters.

• Wedding etiquette experts (I am not one of these. Trust me.) say that it’s tacky to write “no children” on the invites. Instead, state on the RSVP card that it will be an “adult reception”. Another way of saying this is to write the following on the RSVP card: “We have reserved __seats in your honor” and just include the number of adults.

• Be firm. If you cave at your sister’s request to bring her little ones, and your friend’s little ones were forced to stay with babysitters, there might be hurt feelings.

One way to please your guests with kids is to have a babysitter or two at the wedding venue. Set up fun activities like a craft center to occupy the kids. One word of caution: some kids get severe separation anxiety and will not take to this idea very well. Keep this in mind when you are pursuing this option.

Photo: Ralph Heinze Photography

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127 Responses to “The “No Children Wedding”: Tips for Enforcing the No Kids Allowed Rule for a Small Wedding”

1.
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Guest
Sig

I have had friends stipulate on their invites that a “Adult Reception’ was to follow the ceremony.

We are having a small wedding as well, 60 guest, but we’re having a cocktail reception. Children should not be invited to a cocktail party, so it should be understood that it is an adult gathering. The only under age guest at my wedding will be my two nephews: well, one is 18 years of age and the other is 12 years old.

I am not going to get into a whole debate on whether or not to invited children.

 
2.
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Mrs. Smith

We were OK with having kids at our wedding but didn’t want to encourage it. So we didn’t put their names on the invite, and then by word of mouth only invited the children we liked and wanted to be there. A little sneaky, but it worked for us.

 
3.
Jessie516
Hostess
Jessie516 (message)  5,480 posts, Bee Keeper

I think these are good tips for people who want a “no children” wedding. I know we didn’t invite anyone under the age of 16 and I’m happy with how that turned out. We did 2 of your tips–we made sure to let parents know ahead of time that they would need to find a sitter and we were firm about our decision. We didn’t make exceptions for anyone and didn’t include children in the wedding party.

 
4.
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eugy (message)  157 posts, Blushing bee

This is such great advice. I really wish I had read this 4 yrs ago when we were planning our wedding. We didn’t have an abundance of kids of we did have several criers that really slightly got on my nerves during parts of the readings and prayers. =(

 
5.
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Miss Bruschetta (message)  5,565 posts, Bee Keeper

I’m hoping word of mouth — and specifically addressing invites to ONLY the adults/parents — will help our guests get the message!

 
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FallBrideKate (message)  55 posts, Worker bee

No easy answer on the “kids/no kids” debate. No matter what, someone will be upset.

We have set the cut off at no one under 18, even though that leaves out about 10 out of my 24 first cousins. Unfortunately, that left two families with one or more 18+ coming and one younger, not. UGH!!

With a 185 max guest list for an EVENING wedding and reception, the cut had to happen somewhere. Do I have regrets about not being able to have all 24 cousins present? Of course! Do I wish that family members who I see every couple of years could be a little more understanding? Absolutely.

We do have one compromise: Everyone could come to the ceremony. They just have to hit the road before cocktail hour. Babysitters, Wii and pizza will be provided.

 
7.
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Ms. Guava-tini

We are having a 75 guests wedding & opting for no children. We are having an “adult reception” and I have indicated on our website “no children under 16″ and will be limiting the invites to adult counted for only - however, my nieces are my flower girls - and I dont have bridesmaids - I have advised my counsin that I am not having kids at the wedding and I dont want him to take it personal but it’s b/c we are having cocktail party and a cigar roller & its a small adult type wedding - Im sorry but it’s not huge - but my nieces will be there (He said he understood; however dont know if his wife does)

Is it ok that my court is two girls (5 & 9) but no other kids are allowed? Any tips for that?

 
8.
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West Coast Bride (message)  708 posts, Busy bee

I’m not a big fan of the fact that your post seems to classify those of us who didn’t want children at their wedding as people seeking to create perfection at their weddings. That’s a fairly judgemental assumption.

 
9.
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DesignerBee (message)  103 posts, Blushing bee

We only have two friends who have kids and I don’t think either of them will be upset by leaving their little ones at home. If I had kids related to me then I would invite all the kids but only our two groomsmen have children and the grandparents all live in town and make easy and cheap baby sitters so we’re opting for no kids. I think its just whatever works for best for you and your family.

 
10.
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casey

Ms. Guava-tini:

we are have a jr bridesmaid who is 12, a flower girl who is 3.5, and a ring bearer who is 2……and those are the only children who will be allowed. we too are having a cocktail reception….and the children will be leaving the reception early in the evening.

 
11.
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mdarrah

We had a “no kids invited” with the understanding that there were a few that were going to be brought anyway. But for us (and many other couples I know) it wasnt a worry of them “ruining” a crucial moment - its that we wanted a PARTY where the adults could dance and drink and not have to worry. We just weren’t creating a kid friendly environment.

 
12.
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Caroline

That’s difficult. How did you say “NO” to children?@ mdarrah.

 
13.
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moderndaisy (message)  6,673 posts, Bee Keeper

This is my problem!! We have 10 total children, all from immediate family members and all under the age of 7 (mostly todlers and infants). Their parents are all in our wedding party and they are all from out of state. We definitely do not want children at our Ceremony or Reception and I have not broken the news yet.

We will definitely do a babysitter/coloringbook/chicken finger situation in a separate room in the reception area. Otherwise, I don’t think people will even come..

 
14.
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eveline

I opted for an “Adult Reception” in my invitation. 12 kids did attend as 8 were my siblings kids and they were in the wedding party. 3 kids were my husband’s best friends. It was only fair for my husband to have some kids on his side since I was having 8. He doesn’t have any young nephews. The other child was a surprise, my cousin brought his daughter but we were never asked. It was no biggie as it was only 1. I also added in the RSVP “We have reserved __ seats in your honor”. My husband and I agreed and sticked to the plan in case someone asked. I never heard any fuzz form others, I figured everyone would be able to understand.

 
15.
erynbeth
Member
erynbeth (message)  4 posts, Wannabee

I must say this is one of the hardest things for us…and because I enforced the only kids at the wedding will be the kids in the wedding rule…my aunt with her three kids who were in the wedding will not be coming because her boyfriends daughter can not come…its very frustrating….

 
16.
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Daniel

I wish we had done this for our wedding too. We were fussing about how to fit in the kids and wish we had just did an adult wedding reception! Maybe we should have hired exotic dancers as entertainers so that the kids would be left at home. As a wedding photographer now, I see that 3/4 of the weddings I attend in Vancouver are adult receptions only.

 
17.
wouldntitbenice
Member
wouldntitbenice (message)  33 posts, Newbee

No little ones at our wedding.

1.) The ceremony starts and 5, so the whole event will run late into the night.

2.) The reception is very much celebratory, and the alcohol will be flowing generouslly.

3.) We’re young and childless, most of our friends are the same. There were only about 10 children that needed consideration — the couples that I talked to directly entheusastically agreed it was better child-free, and those who got word from someone else were also ok with it.

Also we’re not having ringbearers or a flower girl, I think having those members of the bridal party but a no child wedding is contradictory.

We put “an adult affair” on the very last line of the invitation

 
18.
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clarerichardson (message)  93 posts, Worker bee

I considered having a no-kids wedding. Our church only has two times for Saturday weddings: before 2 pm or after 7 pm. There’s no way young children would have stayed happy and alert through a ceremony at 7 pm and then dinner at 8 or 9 pm.

Since we have so many guests coming from out-of-town, out-of-state, and out-of-country, we couldn’t tell them to leave their kids at home. 2 pm wedding it is, then!

 
19.
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Dani

There are 50 children who are either members of our family or kids of attendees. We don’t have room for them, and our venue is a farm so there’s a safety issue.

We are only inviting our nephews (both bt 1 yr - 18 months), and only 1 of my first cousins is under 17. That’s the cutoff for everyone else. I would have loved to accommodate everyone’s children, but unfortunately, we would have basically have to cut ALL of fiance’s and my friends off of the guest list to do so.

The thing that’s driving me nuts is the people giving us the most guff about it are the ones who had ADULTS-ONLY receptions themselves! Sigh.

 
20.
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mlindsey (message)  348 posts, Helper bee

I just don’t think there should ever be any “guff” about whether or not the bride and groom want children at THEIR wedding. I know it happens, but to me, it’s just another example of how the day becomes less of what the couple want and more of what everyone else wants. We had an adult only reception (with the exception of my own two that were in the wedding and two other children), and it was worded as such, in a tactful way on the invitations. We had a lot of children at our wedding which in my opinion, was a decent compromise. Our venue wouldn’t allow us to have candles as part of our centerpieces with children present, and that was just something I didn’t want to compromise on.

 
21.
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Suzanna

indiebride.com has a lot of good advice on this subject.

I agree with this article, except that last point. Most people understand that immediate family is always the exception to just about every rule. So, really–it’s OK to have your nieces and nephews there, but expect that nobody’s else’s kids can come.

 
22.
monalisa670
Member
monalisa670 (message)  876 posts, Busy bee

Our wedding is not until August so we’ll see how it goes, but we’ve spread the word that it’s a no kids wedding. The only exceptions we’re making are for my fi’s nieces and nephew, who are part of the WP, and my first cousins, who are 13 and 15. We wouldn’t have minded kids on the screaming/acting up factor, it was the fact that with 350 people invited, and most being big Greek families, including people’s kids would LITERALLY have added 75-100 guests. And despite what people think, at our venue at least, kids meals are NOT cheap. I feel bad but we simply couldn’t do it. Should be interesting to see who tries to bring them anyway.

 
23.
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Krista

We’re having a “no kids” wedding, including our wedding party. First, we have limited room (120 max can fit in our reception venue), and if we allowed kids then we’d only be able to invite 80 adults. I guess this is a problem when marrying in your late 20s/early 30s — lots of people have had kids by now! Second, open bar. ‘Nuff said. Finally, we have some very badly behaved kids/parents on both sides, and we’re of the all-or-nothing mindset when it comes to kid issue.

We warned the important people ahead of time of our decision, invited the adults by name, and had “___ of 2 will be able to attend.” on the RSVPs. Apparently there is some drama on FH’s side of the family, but no one’s come to complain to us directly, so we’re fine with that.

It’s a personal decision, one way or the other. I don’t get the complaining, because it’s not like attending a wedding is compulsory!

 
24.
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Kids’ Table: Ideas for Entertaining Children at Your Wedding » Weddingbee PRO » The Wedding Blog

[...] If you’re having children at your wedding, you might want to consider a designated kids’ table, complete with babysitter. (Read this if you’re considering not having children at your wedding). [...]

 
25.
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PRO: Kids’ Table: Ideas for Entertaining Children at Your Wedding » Weddingbee » The Wedding Blog

[...] If you’re having children at your wedding, you might want to consider a designated kids’ table, complete with babysitter. (Read this if you’re considering not having children at your wedding). [...]

 
26.
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RUbrowneyes

My fiance and I are having a “no kids” reception (except for one of my cousins, who has special needs and cannot be left with someone she doesn’t know, and FI’s 14 year old sister). It was a tough decision, but I couldn’t afford an additional 75 guests (if everyone brought their kids!) Some have complained, but we are paying for this ourselves and had to cut corners somewhere. It has nothing to do with liking kids–I’m a children’s therapist! It was just necessary financially–not to mention that our reception is 6-10pm.

 
27.
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RUbrowneyes

Oh also, we are having babysitters provided during the reception (at FMIL’s house) with video games, movies, and a pizza party. They’ll probably have more fun there anyway!!

 
28.
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Yan

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mylovesales@gmail.com

 
29.
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Kim

I am having a destination wedding and I really would like to have an adults only ceremony and reception. Yes, i totally understand that we are asking people to take a mini vacation and yes I totally understand that it might be difficult for people to attend and have to deal with childcare issues BUT I also think people should be more considerate and understand that children count as headcount. I have a few cousins who have told me they are bringing their kids -they didn’t ask. :(

I don’t have children but I know that when I do have them I will not just assume that its ok to bring a child to a wedding.

 
30.
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louise

I think that it’s disgusting not having children at a wedding especially when it is your brother and sisters children.
Children are part of the family and the wedding cannot be called a family wedding if members of the family are missing. Also it is nice to look back at the photos of the whole family. Furthermore, the children will know that you do not want them at the wedding and will remember for the rest of their life’s.

 
31.
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louise

I think that the person above which is happy to pay for a full bar, yet not have children at their wedding is appalling they would rather their guests get drunk than have child there. If they did do this then their would be more money to pay for children. I especially think that the brides nieces and nephews should attend they are part of the family.

 
32.
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tamara

I am having an issue myself trying to decipher my head count for my wedding like everyone has or is currently. The hard part is trying to figure out who you want to attend and how many people you allow for them to bring. I have four children of my own who are 10 and under, and my fiance has a teenager and we are on the fence in deciding to cut off the children at them. Its hard, and its not that the bride and groom are being spiteful, its just the fact that weddings are really expensive, and paying $85 for my four-year old little cousin to eat $5 worth of food is really not cost effective. I’m looking at if I were to allow everyone to bring their children to the wedding/reception (which is in the same venue) then my headcount will be well over 250 guests and the majority of my guests would be children, which end up turning it into a high priced b-day party, and thats not what we want. We want this day to be about us becoming a family and asking a few family members and friends to be there to join us. I know that I’ll get heck from SOME of my family members, as the majority of them agree that a wedding especially mine which starts at 6p should be an adult only affair.

 
33.
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Eleanor Wilson

Please remember weddings are about FAMILY getting together. Though I have no problem wtih Adult only weddings. I think people are losing what a marriage is…and wedding is….Anyway, I have a fun one. Going to an out of state wedding…night time gala, no kids inivited. Understand. No problem. Heard through grapevine they want NOT CHILDREN PERIOD, meaning no children traveling with you. If you have a babysitter or not. They want to create a romantic atmosphere for everyone.

 
34.
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marisa

Eleanor, please see it from another point of view. A wedding is about a couple finalizing their permanent commitment to each other (not about pleasing guests or getting families together). Babies and toddlers won’t get very much out of it. Older children- depends on the children.

Who wants children throwing tantrums during evening weddings, putting hands all over food at buffets (which I have seen), etc? My daughter is having a black tie wedding and honestly, I cannot see her future SiL or BiL (both of whom are in the wedding party) diapering their 5 month old in evening dress!

I myself was at 2 weddings when each of my daughters 3 weeks old (and was matron of honor at one). I most certainly did leave them with sitters and was glad to do so.
At my own wedding, I invited 2 babies related to me; both mothers told me they wanted to enjoy themselves, and therefore hired sitters. Why do people today have to be so child-centric? It’s good for adults to be adults.

One more thought. Many wedding venues do not have an extra room for children (my daughter’s does not).

 
35.
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Eleanor Wilson

Marisa,
I totally get NO KIDS at the wedding. My issue is NO KIDS allowed at the out of town location. So that means I need to find a babysitter and travel without my kids. They are not having a bunch of activities during the day. We will not even be seeing them until the wedding. They have stressed no kids at the city where they are getting married. Sorry, this is going a little too far…NOT kids at the wedding, fine. You can’t stipulate no kids at the out of town location.

 
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marisa

Totally agree with you on the kids at the location city.

 
37.
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Brian

What a bunch of squares on this thread. Kids suck. “you can pay for booze, but not allow kids” get a life loser. Have a drink now and then and send your pain in the ass kids to the babysitter.

 
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Jennifer

I put on my invitation,16 + for the wedding , 18+ at the reception. In bold red ink! On an invitation that only had the adults name on it. 3 couples brought there 6 kids any ways.

My door guard or big guy in a Kilt, promptly showed them the door! They called the best man and complained, they drove an hour to come to this wedding, you should let us in.

He said, If you are on the invite you are welcome.. They protested, what are we gonna do w/ our kids. Our BM said, Why did u bring them, they weren’t invited.

The mothers said, We just assumed you meant all of us! The BM, How did u get that? Did it say and family or plus 2 .. No, it had the intended guests on it. Also, it says 16 & 18+ only on the invite, do your kids fit that profile.

They sent me some nasty text messages and emails.

 
39.
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su

I am arranging a wedding for myself and this issue has come up. I have two beautiful sons and they are a blessing and I want them at the wedidng (naturally) infact I would like them at the alter, so we take a family vow if it is possible. However I do not want other peoples kids there! Just for one short time in my life, I would like this to be about us! what we may want? we are after all paying for the guests to have a meal and a nice time? I am fed up of hearing these mothers saying how its wrong their children are not invited! its not your wedding?? if you dont like it, dont go?? simple! I refuse to take the risk of some mother spoiling my day , by not walking out the room when we are taking our vows if their child is crying etc . To me that is sheer bad manners! You are being treated to a nice meal, a few drinks, why oh why are you getting funny cause your kids arent invited?? if you dont liek it, dont go! its the couple who are marryings choice to do the wedding as they wish and why do you think it is your right to challenge their decisions. All i can say is i hope when its your turn to do something special, you come across people liek yourself, who dicate what they want and spoil your day too!

 
40.
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su

and I am sorry to go on…I am a nice person really, but that poor lady who is dreadng her day due to a rellie insisting on a child coming, you really have to say something, you get a wedding day once in your life, do it how you want, no one has the right to change your plans.
Why can the person critising a bit above understand, its not your wedding?? have kids at yours if thats what you like, but respect other peoples choices! I have kids myself, but if i were invited to an adult only wedding, i would understand that and i would make a decision based on if i could get child care. I wouldnt be offended, nor would i challenge their decision.
Do you know how rude it is to keep inforcing your opinions on a bride and groom, i could tell you heaps of stories about my wedding plans, how i have been pulled one way and another by everyones preferrences. Everything from, I dont like kids there, to i want my kids there, to i dont like wearing suits, I wont sit next to him, i dont like this food or that food, I prefer this location, and it goes on and on, what is it with people who think even though they are being paid for, they can dictate a bride and grooms day?? listen to yourself?? you may think its about family, you may think its about you, but its not, just for once think of smeone other than yourself and listen to the bride and groom, make their day happy by doing as they ask!! PLEASE!!!

and can the woman who has said its disgusting to not have kids justify, if she is not paying for this wedding day, why she has the right to voice such strong opinions??

 
41.
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louise

How am I supposed to attend my own sisters wedding where I am expected to be a bride’s maid, when I have two children that are not invited to the wedding?
Who is going to look after my children? If I or my partner does not go to the wedding then this will also cause problems.
I understand that a person does not want their wedding over run with children, but I feel that close family children should be invited.

 
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louise

I forgot to say – if the adult wedding was a friends or a cousins etc… then I would NOT expect my children to go to the wedding. However, this is my sisters wedding and she is my sons godmother.

 
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louise

How am I supposed to attend my own sisters wedding where I am expected to be a bride’s maid, when I have two children that are not invited to the wedding?
Who is going to look after my children? If I or my partner does not go to the wedding then this will also cause problems.
I understand that a person does not want their wedding over run with children, but I feel that close family children should be invited.

if the adult wedding was a friends or a cousins etc… then I would NOT expect my children to go to the wedding. However, this is my sisters wedding and she is my sons godmother. @su:

 
44.
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su

@louise:
well thats slightly different because the bride is asking you to go in two directions. Add to the fact she is a god parents, seems rather harsh.
I bet however she is thinking, find a baby sitter, cause its my day and i dont want a young one distracting you from your duty of being a bridemaid. If you children are anything like mine they wouldnt sit still with daddy if they saw mummy walking up an aisle, they would want to run across etc, leaving my hubby stood outside a church with two kids upset mummy is busy.
My advise either find baby sitters on this one off or make your excuses and say as much as you care for this woman you are unable to find a way to care for your kids satisfactorily and let her get on with it without you.
Dont you think weddings cause more offence than joy at times? I mean you save a lifetime for them and then everyone gets upset with everything?

 
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su

For my wedding plans, money is tight, every meal i save for is hard work, its that tight! we have waited years and years to afford a small wedding, not only adding kids bumps up the costs, but i ahve this vision of all the kids exciting each other and charging in groups up and down the venue function, not wanting to sit still, bored, fed up, speaking at thew wrong time, screaming at the wrong time, it could result in a case of all parents stood outside with unruly kids, i mean i for one would find it VERY rude if my child decided to pipe up during the vows, i would feel oblidged to walk out the church with my child and thats not where i would want to be either. Again at a formal meal after, you are paying for a childs meal when quite frankly they wont eat half of it and will want to get down from the table and run around (I am referring to younger ones here i might add) you have the problem of feeding them if they are toddlers, high chairs, tending to them, when you can sit down and enjoy your own meal etc etc and silencing them when the speeches are on, again i would find it rude if they were screaming as someone was trying to talk , so again, out the door we go! personally i LOVE my children to bits and if i were invited without kids, if i could not find suitable babysitters (as i rarely leave them) i just would thank the bride and groom for the invite but say i am unable to go and wish them well, probably sedning a card and small gift anyway out of politeness cause i really do beleive if they are paying for the event, they can pick the rules.

 
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su

forgive me for going on…. but let me tell you how i decided no kids at my wedding….a single mum friend of mine has three boys, she tries her best as a mum but she cant control them. When i suggested it was childfree she said that was disgusting and who would she get to look after them etc etc, i said what would you do if the service was on and your kids were making a noise during the vows? she said she would expect me to put up with it as i am her friend. I said, but this is a once in a lifetime moment for me, I am givign in every other way all year long, i care for your kids in everyway all year long, are you saying to me, you think its ok if your kids spoil this one special moment when we take our vows, she replied yes. Saying kids make a wedding. I replied thats your view and you are not paying for this wedding we are. I said, well if your kids make a noise will you take them outside for the duration of the service? no she replied, i will miss it myself (again slefishly thnking of whats in it for her and not the happiness of the bride and groom) I asked her again are you serious, are you saying to me you are inforcing your ideas about a wedding on us and you wont respect our wishes? she replied, weddings are about kids. I replied ‘maybe our kids? but not yours? why are you suggesting its ok if your kids take over the day?’
Like i say year in year out I am a very giving friend, i care for the kids, include them in loads of things, but on this one day surely as the bride friends should want me happy? friends should drop their ideas and go with mine? without being offended?? Its one day?? anyway as a result, this friend never got an invite! she was shocked and probably offended, but i gave her the chance to tell me how she would act if the kids were nosiy etc and she never thought of us once. As far as she was concerned it was ok for her kids to run amock. However this attitude made us decide no kids at all at our wedding!

 
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louise

There is no one that I would leave my children with all day as everybody is at the wedding. Also in the last two years my children have been to two weddings on my husband’s side. They where good at both weddings and sat still through both services, and meals. Also my son was a page boy last year and understands what a wedding is, he enjoyed both weddings.
How am I supposed to explain to a seven year old that his auntie, my sister, does not want him at her wedding, when his uncle and auntie from his daddy’s side allowed him to attend? I briefly tried to talk to him about not going to the wedding, he got upset and cried. He knows that a wedding is taking place because of all the wedding talk that is being spoken about , therefore I would not be able to keep it quite.

If it was a friends wedding I would not be bothered if my children where not invited, my issue is, is that it is my sisters wedding and I feel that she should invite her nice and nephew.

 
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Shell

No kids at a wedding is fine, but the bride and groom need to understand some people can not accomodate them and may not attend. We have been asked to go to a cousins wedding out of town. They are not getting married in the bride or grooms town and all guests must travel and stay in a hotel. Spending a few hundred dollars to attend anothers wedding, plus pay someone to keep your kids. I have cool kids and I am proud to take them to events and I like being with my kids, so I’ll send a gift card and not go. Plus it is my sons birthday weekend. I actually like the cousin, but the request isn’t going to work. Hope they have no hard feelings.

 
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Shell

@louise:
That would break my heart if my sister did not include my kids. She should try to incorporate them. I do love people who do not have kids and they kick them to the curb for a wedding. I can almost understand the wedding, but not the reception. Everyone is having fun, eating drinking. It is fun having kids there. My kids went to an awesome and lavish wedding. They served the kids up chicken fingers and fries and we had a ball. Don’t think you can not have a nice reception with kids. My cousin had the nicest reception with an open bar 2 hours prior outside of the ballroom and then they had a sit down dinner and open bar inside. Also a coffee and Latte’ bar. 225 guests and 30+ kids.

 
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su

Fair enough. I think when i say ‘adults only’ on my invites and some cant come due to having kids etc, I would expect that and quite frankly on my budget I would actually think, thats a few pounds saved!!! (sorry, but its true!)
I too am a very proud mum and beleive my kids would be as good as toddlers could be at a wedding, never the less, I would FULLY understand if a bride said to me ‘adults only’ after all its the brides day and kids , however well behaved we think they can be, can somewhat take over the day. Whilst it maybe cute to you to see your toddler in her pretty dresss waddling around getting all the attention, it is distracting people from the bride and her day and also however well behaved anyones kids are, get to the boring stage of speeches and kids will want to get down from the table, want to wander, want to chat, get entertained, its nature. I really do understand why brides wouldnt want this.
Especially if you have one or two parents who let their kids wander, before you know it, you have chase up and down the reception! and what can you do at that point, if you kindly ask the parent to have more control of the child, chances are they will reply in some standard parent line of, ‘they are kids, you cant expect them to stay still this long!’ which of course is why those of us who know what kids are like, quite often opt for the childless approach to a wedding day! :-) ….and then the parents get on their high horse about their kids being excluded, completely blinkered to anyone elses happiness not being able to see how kids can affect the blaance of things, quite dramatically.

 
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AB

I really think this comes down to the bride and groom and honestly, if the invitee doesn’t like it or doesn’t want to leave their child(ren) with a sitter then they can decline the invitation. My sister had a kids free wedding and I am doing the same thing. The only child that was at her wedding was our niece. It is going to be the same thing at my wedding, my niece and now my nephew are going to be there. We struggled with what people will think but then it came down to, who really cares. This is our family and we want our entire family at the wedding and that includes our nieces and nephews but no other children. On the other hand I know a few couples who looked forward to attending without their children. They made it into a fancy date, where they could dress up, have a nice meal, go dancing and hang out with other adults for a few hours.

 
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louise

I understand what everybody is saying, that it is up to the bride and groom. However, from commits above they are suggesting that nieces and nephews are ok. My sister is not allowing my children to attend; these children are part of the close family.
I have already mentioned to other members of the family that I may not be able to attend, due to the fact that I do not have a baby sitter. This has caused problems and I am being blamed and it has been said to me that I am not going out of spitefulness because my children have not been invited. Do not want to fall out with members of my family. (what am I do do I feel that I have been put into a dreadful situation)

My cousin is getting married shortly after my sister and would not expect my child to attend this wedding.

 
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rachel

OMG louise! get a freaking babysitter. http://www.sittercity.com, check it out and stop whining. Thanks.

 
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louise

Do you have to be so RUDE? I WOULD NOT LEAVE MY CHILDREN WITH STANGERS. Also ALL of my family members are at the wedding. I can tell that you don’t have children Rachel or if you do then you do not care who you leave them with.

 
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su

Yes a tad harsh, but I think what Rachel is possibly trying to say is take an active approach to resolving this or just dont go. I am a mum and I do understand you wouldnt leave your kids with anyone, but here is what i would do. First i would speak to the bride directly and in a calm and polite manner say what problem you have and ask if she has any suggestions to help you.(She may back down ont he no kids rule) but do it nicely, without upset, as it is her day. Speak to your mum see what she can suggest. See if you have any friends who arent going who would be kind enough to take your kids for a few hours. Offer to go to the wedding with your kids with friends and miss the reception maybe? It is the brides day, so you need to sort this otu yourself, this is your responsibility here. You may ahve to miss part of it, but speak reasonably to the bride and family as you cant emotionally bribe them into feeling guilty and ruining it for them as its not your day. So see if they can come up with some posisitive suggestions, see if they can think of a plan, if they want you there. If they cant then say politely, well i shall try and find a baby sitter for the service, even if it means a friend sitting in the car with them and then you will have to go off to the park with them and for go the reception. Like i say its not your day and if they want you there then you will have to find a comprimise. If your sister and mum is saying leave them with abby sitters, then you will need to find someone you can trust. It is a bloody awful situation for you, but you may ahve to bite the ullet and live with it i am afraid.

 
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ms. mo

Our wedding was on the 10th and a destination location (about 65 adult guests). We had kids at the ceremony and had a babysitter that we prearranged for all the kids, 9 of them from 2-9, to be dropped of at 1/2 mile from the restaurant. My OWN son (8), AND my nephew (2) were there. I could not expect him, NOR any of the other kids to sit through a 5 course meal with wine pairings. I had all parents that thanked us for setting it up and allowing them to relax and enjoy their meal without police-ing their kids… I am one of them.

For those that insist that it is a family occasion, wouldn’t leave their kids with a stranger, etc… well, I suppose that no matter what they won’t be happy… this is about the bride and groom and their wishes - they are the ones paying the big bucks and their wishes should be respected. If they don’t agree, then don’t attend, family or not. Get over it

 
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beth

@FallBrideKate: @FallBrideKate:
Are you serious! Whats 10 more people?? Glad we’re not related!

 
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su

I think alot of people on here are missing an important fact. Whose wedding is it? It is the bride and grooms! so for one day of their lives they can choose what ever they please! When its your wedding you invite every tom dick and harry, every child, orphan and distant cousin, but on the bride and grooms day they have the choice! If you have been invited to a wedding that says ‘no kids’ deal with it! You havent paid for it! Its not your day! You have a choice! If you cant find cover for the kids, dont go! Other things come to mind, like if your relllies were much half decent without upsetting the bride and involving her, why dont you all take turns at child watching somewhere? one see’s the wedding, one see’s the reception? c’mon, its not about YOU, who cares about your inconveinence , when you are putting your needs over the needs of the bride on her special day! Those who harp on about themselves and their needs sound so selfish on here! seriously! IT IS YOUR OPINION ONLY THAT KIDS ARE GOOD AT WEDDINGS, NOT A SET RULE, OR FACT and plenty of brides choose not to have them (mothers at that!) . Quite often people with kids ‘get it’ regards no kids at weddings, because they can be loud, unsettled etc. If a bride and groom have made a choice, you really should respect that. You have been offered a nice day out a free meal and yet you are still set on grumbling about ‘me.me.me ‘ all the time . (I am not actually aiming this now at the lady who started this link, but to those who perpetually think they have more right over the bride on her big day) I take it you realise when your moans get back to the bride, it spoils things! It upsets her! I take it you are the sort who doesnt care about that, you are just interested in your free meal and your situation, selfishness! This is a once in a lifetime experince for the bride, let her feel like a princess, if she doesnt want a child crying or screaming or running round during the service, then she has every right! If she doesnt want kids restless and fed up at the table, again she has every right. How dare you judge her choice! Do what you want at your wedding, leave her alone to choose what ever she wants and support her choice! If she cant afford extra meals it maybe her way to save money, she has every right! YOU HAVE BEEN OFFERED A FREE DAY OUT AND MEAL IF YOU DONT LIKE THE TERMS DONT GO! Simple as that! Also if your friends and family are half decent and care about you going, then see how they help you??? sorry, did you say they wont? so they are all up for their free meal and day out then eh and dont care about you! nice friends you have! or maybe they are equally fed up with you for making such a song and dance! looks liek you are sat at home then with the kids! Or you go out now, find a damn good reputable babysitter, stop winging and join in! I love my kids and consider myself a completely dedicated mother, but quite frankly, if i got an invite and it said no kids, i would see if my mother or close friends could watch them and if not, i would politely send a card back saying, thank you so much for the invite, due to lack of childcare, i cant make it and seeing as i am a nice sort of person, i would wish them well and probably still even send a gift!! so they are supported , happy, cared for and there was good feeling between us.
I really am feeling rather annoyed with those who now write on here, me, me, me all the time. Just deal with it now, find a good baby sitter and if you cant, stop winging, stop getting upset, its just a meal and a wedding, watch the video after! simples!

 
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louise

I think that most of the commits above are missing my point. My sister and my family are EXPECTING me to be a bride’s maid at her wedding, yet my children are not invited to the wedding. ALL my family are at the wedding. I have said that I am unable to go because there is nobody to look after the children. However, my family thing that I am out of order and that I should be there and be the bride’s maid. I have also put forward the suggestion that I only take part in the church service, and that the children stay outside with a friend. This suggestion has also caused problems, as my family think that I should also be involved with the whole day. I would not expect this friend to look after my children all day and also my children would not stay with her. Also my partner has said that he will not go to the wedding and that he will stay at home to look after the children, this has also caused problems, as now family think that he should also be there as he is part of the family.
My children go to a catholic school were they have to go to church most weeks. Also on numerous occasions I have been to assembles at their school which last over an hour and half. My children sit still through these and do not misbehave.
The more I think about this wedding the more it stresses me out. I AM IN A DIFFICULT POSTION and I feel that this wedding is going to make my family fall out with me.

 
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Amy

Louise it sounds like your family doesn’t see much of a problem with you getting a sitter for one day especially if there are other couples invited that are doing the same. This is not your wedding which means you have no control over who is invited regardless if its family or not.

Attempting to guilt them into inviting your children because you don’t want to find alternate care is unfair, manipulative, and rude. You are a guest and it is not your party. There are daycare centers that will take drop-ins for a day for children up to thirteen which you can tour beforehand with your children so they’ll be excited to go play and you’ll have peace of mind. You can also ask what other parents are doing for care while they are at the wedding.

The problems with your compromises are that if you leave your children outside you’ll be going back and forth to check on them which is no good since you are in the wedding party and what would they have to do out there? Leaving your partner at home with the kids isn’t much better since you’ll be there solo and you all are a couple but its preferable to the first option.

It doesn’t matter how well-behaved your children in other situations they are still not invited. Releasing your assumptions and expectations about what your sister should be doing to make you position more comfortable will allow you to solve a problem that isn’t as big as you are making it out to be. Either find alternate care or just don’t go.

Your family will probably have a problem with your absence being that you could find care you just don’t want to. If it helps just pretend you are in the wedding party of a close friend with the same rules as your sister that way you won’t be hung up or what concessions should be made for your family.

 
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lilacwire

To whoever is saying that the kids will be sad if they don’t get to go - no, they won’t. The reason the kid is upset over it is because YOU’RE upset over it. They honestly don’t know or care that much that so-and-so is getting married - children don’t have the same social definitions for marriage that many adults do.

Imagine being a child and having your parent drag you to an adult function, especially an evening one. Does anyone else remember going to these, no matter what they were, and being bored out of their skulls? I would have much preferred to stay home with a sitter watching movies and drawing.

Spare the bride & groom AND your own kids and don’t take them to the wedding. As soon as you chill out about it, they will too!

 
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louise

I disagree with what you are saying that children do understand weddings, Children understand more than you think. My children have been to two weddings, in the last two years, on my partner’s side. They enjoyed them both danced ALL night and were better behaved than most of the DRUKEN adults. When I Went to weddings, parties evening etc… as a child I enjoyed them and have found memories that are memorable into adulthood. I never sat drawing and watching movie; I danced, I enjoyed myself playing with other children also I wondered round and came home considerably wealthier lol.

 
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ali

To all the bridezillas out there, what are children going to do at a wedding.
Drink too much, cause fights, fall on the wedding cake or knock the wedding cake over, throw up on the buffet, strip or flash themselves, feel up female or male guests inappropriately, damage the hotel room etc… These are just some of the things that have happened while I have been at a wedding. Children do not spoil a wedding adult’s do.
I feel that those who do not have children at a wedding are people who do not have children themselves. They get it into their heads that children will run around or cry etc… I have seen drunken adults do this. I know lets not have alcohol at a wedding. This wouldn’t happen so why should children not be allowed to go.

 
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louise

Well said Ali with the term bridezillas, and I agree with what you are saying that adults can cause more problems and trouble than children.
These brides are expecting the perfect day were nothing goes wrong, I am afraid this just does not happen. Next they will be trying to control the weather. Why do these bridezillas make such a fuss about having the perfect day, weddings are a so-called family occasion and children are part of the family.
Weddings can be flat and have no atmosphere brides need to think about this, one wedding that I went to nobody was dancing until the children started to dance with their parents.
My opinion of these parents that are happy to leave their children at home when they go to a wedding are putting getting drunk and drinking alcohol before their children. Furthermore Do you not enjoy widening your child’s experiences in life and give them memories that they will remember for the rest of their lives.

 
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jesse

@ali: @ali:

because i said they aren’t invited. that’s why. perhaps, i should stipulate on the invites that there are to be no children and no adults acting like children?

i am far from the so-called “bridezilla”. i just don’t like kids. my fiancee and i made the decision and it is our decision to make. that simple. don’t like it or can’t make it because of that? i’m sorry to hear that, we will miss you.

it is that easy.

 
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su

ALI - I love my kids, I love kids in general, I hold wonderful parties for my kids birthday
party, friends come from all over to attend, because i make them so much fun. I take my kids out all the time, we travel we have wonderful experiences BUT at our wedding except our own, we had NO KIDS!
I am no bridzilla, but the thought of 25 adults and (if we brought their kids 20+ kids) meant a serious occassion would turn into little more than a morning out at kinder garden!
My kids looked fab all dresseed up and behaved wonderfully, but had they had loads of others kids there, i had visions of them all not wanting to sit still and run round and for our wedding it was just a service and lunch, so if people cant leave their kids for four hours, then somethings wrong, i mean there are plenty of establishments that can look after kids safely and well in that time and provide them with kiddie stuff, as opposed to serious adult stuff! My kids were as good as gold, but they were keen to get on the honeymoon a trip to disneyland, to my mind weddings can turn into a bit of a fiasco with too many kids. I held a party for the kids of all families the week before on my sons birthday and they had gifts and cake etc and all the parents told them, thats was their party and mummy and daddy are going to ‘their ‘ party next week. Not a single problem! Not one! Parents happy, children happy. BRIDE happy! and I dont thik for one minute i was a bridezilla, but i was adament no kids. However maybe i have friends who are just decent and can see for themselves, that its not we dislike kids, but its not the place for them, simple as that! That said, what sort of weddings do you go to if the adults are all misbehaving as you say, again my lot were lovely, happy , contented and all saying how wonderful the day was! we had a choir sing us in, we had a fun arch made by the guests as we walked out, we had a lovely limo, we had jokes, fun, laughter, and even sunshine and only my kids in sight, PERFECT!!!
Brides, do what make you happy, if you want kids, have them, if you dont, dont! Its your day! any guest who stipulates whats what, is not a friend! but a friendzilla!! lol :-)

 
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louise

I presume that you have no sisters or brothers as you only talk abut friend’s children, I WOULD NOT EXPECT TO TAKE MY CHILDREN TO A FRIENDS WEDDING or a cousins wedding. Therefore, I do not think I am a friendzilla (like the term by the way).

Furthermore, I have NEVER attended a wedding that lasts JUST 4 hours; a wedding last all day and than a separate party in the evening. All close family members should attend both parties.

Maybe I am a sisterzilla, but my children are part of my family and are the most important people to me in the world. I think that all life experiences are important to them and that they will learn and grow with attending there Aunties.

All of those that say that children never remember and easily forget, I disagree I can remember happy and things and sad things from childhood.

 
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su

Weddings last as long as the couple choose. Again another asumption they last all day. Ours was an 11am service a 12-3 lunch and then off on a child friendly honeymoon to disneyland.
I do have a brother, he doesnt have kids, had he , probably they would have been invited, because i love him and yes they are family. You need to seriously question why you sister has made these choices. Either you are not close, she doesnt like your kids, or she doesnt see them as well behaved as you do. Either way, as the bride she has made the choice, if your family are all in agreeeance you need to go and leave the kids behind, you have two choices. Do as they suggest or dont go.
Cant you speak to your mother? what does she say?
The frienzilla comment was returned to ali, more so than yourself, i didnt feel i was a bridezilla at all, infact my mates all reckoned as it was for such a short time, it was refreshing to have a child free few hours and like i say they had one hell of a kiddies party the week before, so no kids were harmed in the making of our wedding lol (as they say on the tv shows)

 
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louise

I have two children and my other sister has a two children, one of her children has behavioural problems and can be badly behaved. The sister that is getting married does not like his behaviour; it can’t be helped would we discriminate against a disabled person who shouts out in a musical or theatre. This has happened to me when I was numerous shows. The main reason why all children are not allowed to attend is because of his behaviour, (may I make the note if this was in the workplace than she would be in trouble because of the disability act). I know that what I am going to say is wrong, but why should all the children have to be punished because of his behaviour.
If it was a adult with problems would she stop them going too.
My sisters wedding is lasting all day and night and I am expected to go to both. My mother is not happy about the children not being allowed to go and has tried to talk to her. The response was our wedding our choice. Furthermore, my parents think that my partner’s parents should be looking after them and not going away when my sister is getting married. It’s their choice when they go away, although if it was one of their children getting married then they would put their foot down and children would be going.

Love the idea of Honeymoon to Disney Land may do that myself when I finally decide to get married, don’t think I will bother to much hard work. You could say that you had two weddings one for the kids and one for the adults.
@su: @su:

 
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louise

I have two children and my other sister has a two children, one of her children has behavioural problems and can be badly behaved. The sister that is getting married does not like his behaviour; it can’t be helped would we discriminate against a disabled person who shouts out in a musical or theatre. This has happened to me when I was numerous shows. The main reason why all children are not allowed to attend is because of his behaviour, (may I make the note if this was in the workplace than she would be in trouble because of the disability act). I know that what I am going to say is wrong, but why should all the children have to be punished because of his behaviour.
If it was a adult with problems would she stop them going too.
My sisters wedding is lasting all day and night and I am expected to go to both. My mother is not happy about the children not being allowed to go and has tried to talk to her. The response was our wedding our choice. Furthermore, my parents think that my partner’s parents should be looking after them and not going away when my sister is getting married. It’s their choice when they go away, although if it was one of their children getting married then they would put their foot down and children would be going.

Love the idea of Honeymoon to Disney Land may do that myself when I finally decide to get married, don’t think I will bother to much hard work. You could say that you had two weddings one for the kids and one for the adults.

 
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Erica

@ Louise — Really, you are making this much more difficult than need be. You are protesting against the hostess regarding the nature of the invite. Yes, it is your sister. HOWEVER, She and her FH has decided that they do not want children at the wedding or reception. Not even your little darlings. So either suck it up like an adult or decline the bridesmaid position and the invite to the wedding. IT IS SIMPLE. Either abide by the B & G request or decline. Attempting to whine or manipulate the situation with your family because obviously your kids are “special” is ridiculous.

As far people saying that weddings should be a child friendly affair ?! Pure Rubbish. Each wedding is what the B & G want it to be. Not everyone assumes that marriage = children.

 
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louise

@Erica:
Again another commit that is not listening
I have told my family that I am not going because of this reason; now my family are falling out with me. I have been an adult with the response I have given by not going. Her response is to cry because she wants her sisters to be bridesmaid. How can I win?

 
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ali

I think that part of your reaction makes you a bridezilla, although I do think that most brides become bridezilla. However, at least you have the decency to say ‘sorry to hear that, we will miss you’ and don’t make a fuss. However, it did make me laugh when you said about putting on the invites about adults not behaving like children.
I presume that you won’t be having children in the future because you don’t like them or will you be one of those who change when you have children yourself and realise how selfish you were not having children. I am a firm believer of what goes around comes around therefore somewhere along the line someone will hurt you the same way.
Louise I feel for you I think that your sister is being unfair, your sister sounds younger; just wait until she has children herself. I just noted that you are not married, if you decide to get married ban children under a certain age she how she likes it. Childish but fair revenge.

 
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su

Actually your family do have a point about your inlaws on this ‘one off’ occassion. You can go away anytime, but you only get married once. If the in laws are any cop then maybe they need to be asked if they can help and cvancel their plans? say its an important family issue. I really would. After all , your kids should have a nice day with grandma and pa etc. If they cant help, then you could say you have problems on both sides with your family.
I love my kids with all my heart, i really do, i didnt even have a night do, as my attitude was, if they were tired and needed their bed, then I am more than happy to go with them, not stay out partying. That said, if i got invited to a wedding and my kids werent allowed, i would go for the service, find child care and then decllne the night time event. I think this pleases all camps personally.
The lady above is right, you cant unfortunately sway the bride, it is her choice and if she doesnt want a child shouting through things then thats her choice, it really is, esp if theya re paying. Thats crucial here. If they are saving and paying etc, they can do what they like. I saved and saved for my wedding and i would have been offended if someone came along and started laying down their needs when i was paying. It really is down to the bride and groom.
I do understand your distress, but ask the in laws to watch during the day, do your bridesmaid bit, and get home to releive your in laws by tea time and snuggle up with your lovely kids, job done. You have tried to please all camps, dont loose anymore sleep over it. Weddings dont have to be all day for you, this is your preconceived idea, let the night time do go and go home to your kids.

 
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louise

The holiday that they are going on is to a friends wedding its there oldest friend, I have not even told them that the children are not invited to my sisters wedding because I do not want to have to put them in a difficult situation.

 
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leigh ann

wow…there sure are some winners in this thread, huh?

louise, you need to chill out. if this is your SISTER - YOU should be the one bending over backwards for her. this is HER wedding day. THIS DAY IS NOT ABOUT YOU.

Your kid wont die if you leave her with a sitter. As someone else stated - you could even talk to a fellow parent thats leaving their child with a sitter and bunk up on it, if that makes you fee safer.

ALSO - as a former child lol…id like to say, i was ANGRY when i was invited to weddings! I hated going to weddings before I was 16…they were boring as hell and I didnt want to be there. I guarentee you, MOST children feel the same way.

But the bottom line is, Louise - grow up. Your children are not invited. If this is something you are going to continuously through tantrums about, maybe you should just not attend your sisters wedding at all, cause you seem like you’re bringing more drama than love to her ONE special day.

 
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leigh ann

Also @Beth,

how rude of you to tell @FallBrideKate who she can invite. “Whats a lousy 10 people?” - for a party thats $100/plate - thats an extra THOUSAND DOLLARS.

seriously, why is everyone so goddamn rude? Youre getting a free dinner and party for crying out loud!

 
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Tillie

My daughter and fiance want an Adult Reception. I respect that decision. Everyone is invited to the ceremony. People who are most offended by the Adult Reception concept have monster ill-behaved children. These clueless parents typically attend and then let these out of control rug rats run wild at receptions because they want to have a good time. They are too cheap to hire a babysitter for the night or cannot find a sitter who will watch their brat children. So they crash our lovely event and ruin our evening! When our children were young and the invitation stated Adult Only, I got the message, and I respected it.

 
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Karen

The problem with brides is that they want this perfect day, they are happy to spend thousands and thousands. What person in there right mind would want to spend $100 dollars on a meal for one person. Most of the meals are over priced, small portion, not tasty and leave you feeling hungry afterwards. Just to let you know, brides, I have been to weddings that have costs over thirty thousand pound and the guests have still not enjoyed the wedding. This is normally because the bride wants the special day to be just for themselves. An example of this is the last wedding that I went to the bride banned party / cheesy music from her wedding, for must of the night dance music was played, nobody danced and the main room was empty because the music was too loud. The only people dancing were the bride, groom and six of their friends.
I feel that wedding costing so much money has lost there meaning. The wedding is supposed to be about ALL MEMBERS of the family witnessing the happy couple get married and celebrate in their happiness, NOT HOW MUCH MONEY IT COSTS .
Why are you all getting at Louise her sister has put in a difficult situation? Louise this day is also about you to she has asked you to be BRIDESMAID, how selfish is your sister to put you in the position of asking you to choose between her or your children.
In my opinion I feel that this is what she asking you to do. I also understand what you are saying about having to pay for child care I haven’t been out with my husband for four years, if we go out we go out as a family or we go out separately with our friends. It costs too much on top of a night out to pay for child care
When I got married ALL members of the family were invited, I place an order with the local chip shop and ordered in advice portions of fish and chips and supplied hot pot in the evening. These went down a storm people like the novel idea and each potion cost a couple of pound even now it wouldn’t cost more than £6. I then put on a band all night; I think it was better to pay to entertain your guests rather than feeding them for an hour. The band cost me £500 and I know that the band now charge £700 for the hole night. I also paid for a children’s magician in the afternoon this also didn’t cost a lot of money.

 
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Baby Gates

My personal oppinon is that when you have children you become more than just a couple. And if you want to invite the parents you have to expect kids too. If you Do not want the kids at your wedding then make some arangements so the parents have some opptions. When a friend of mine had his wedding he actually had a few people that watched the kids in the church nursery. So there are opptions out there.Thank you for the post.

 
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babyblu2001

I disagree…just because you have had children doesn’t mean that the wedding party should have to have to expect children at the wedding if you invite their parents. They don’t have children so why must they be forced to be around them on their special day??? I have children by the way…But just becaus eI did doesn’t mean everyone else should have deal with my children at their event.

 
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camie

I have read some of the guest that have written on this blog and here’s the deal: The groom and the bride choose their guests and not the self entitled people who insist their child go to a wedding. Here’s a clue: That child will most likely be bored, break something, cry during the ceremony and cost money for not the parents but the bride and groom. Many couples save up for their dream wedding and if it does not include children respect their wishes. Unfortunately, family think they are entitled to bully their relatives to insist they bring their child. So here is my two cents if you are invited you are a guest…if you insist on inviting your little one you are a BULLY of a guest.

 
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camie

@Baby Gates:

Really? I think you need to get a clue and take of your own child. @Eleanor Wilson: @Eleanor Wilson: @Eleanor Wilson: @Eleanor Wilson: @Eleanor Wilson: @Eleanor Wilson: @Eleanor Wilson: @Eleanor Wilson:

 
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Su

So Louise

Have we had the weding yet? what happened in the end?

This certainly is an emotive subject.

I would be interested to know!

 
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Su

By the way Camie, I do strongly agree with the ‘whose paying’ has th elast say! I suspect some peopel on here have rich parents or are blessed with lots of money and maybe dont get this point, but if you are saving and saving to pay for a wedding to ‘treat’ your guests, then there is nothign worse than a guest stipulatinig the rules, it can seem terribly rude and ungrateful, when it has taken many months or years of saving to afford the special day. Often those with lots of money, or those who arent paying for their wedding, just expect invites, thinking ‘they can afford it’ and feel they have a right to add their kids on the invite list. For those of you who wish to push their kids onto an unwilling bride, think outside the box and yourself for awhile, maybe its not just she doesnt liek kids, maybe they cant afford to pay for everyones kids? to bring them all may add another third to the costs? maybe it is a financial decision and not one aimed to upset you directly, regarding your kids?

 
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louise

@Su: @Su: @<a

Thanks for asking su.

It was the worse wedding that I have very been to.

Four weeks before the wedding my mum put her foot down with my sister and told her that church are public places and that she could not stop the children being in there. My mum also offered my sister money to pay for the children. This was not all the money my parents put forward, they do not have a lot of money, and in fact my sister and her partner earn more money than my parents. My sister would not accept this saying that she didn’t want the children there. The children attended the wedding service, there were no problems, they did not cry or run around they where well behaved. The meal after I had to attend on my own. The problems only arose when the service finished and my partner had to leave with the children and I went to the reception. The children where very upset and to be forced into the car, my sister did not see this. Furthermore my partner said that my children cried for a few hours afterwards. My son still has not forgiven my sister, it was her birthday last week and he refused to write her a card, saying that why should he, because he doesn’t like her and she doesn’t like him, he is seven years old. Furthermore he has only seen her once since the wedding he wouldn’t even look at her or say hello or goodbye.

I think that it was a mistake taking them to the church, but I did to make my mum happy because she wanted them there and I know that she was upset that they were not invited to the reception.

My aunty also has children, her way around the situation was, that she brought the children to the church. Then because the reception was in a hotel, she booked a family room and left her children in the room. However, the problem with this is that the children did not stay in the room all the time and appeared on numerous occasions in the room. The other situation that she had was feeding her children which she feed from the buffet. My sister did not seem to mind the children being there once she had had a DRINK. Also later on at the reception there was a fight between my cousins girlfriends.

I have only seen my sister once since she has got married, I do not want to see her, I think that she is selfish. The reasons why I think that she is selfish is because She did not have to pay for the children at the reception my parents offered, there were no problems in church and then once she had had drink the children would not have bothered her, as with what actually happened with my ants children.

 
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Tiffany

The wedding is about the couple getting married not about the guest’s kids, therefore the couple gets the say about the age required to be invited to their wedding. It’s not a bridzilla thing, there are many reasons to keep the wedding adult only; ranging from limits on number of guests to keeping things formal. Anyone who thinks that the couple being married should include their kids ought to get their head around the fact that their kid’s on not the center of other people’s world.
Several years ago I had witnessed a tantrum during the exchanging of vows…it’s a total downer for EVERYONE, NOT JUST THE BRIDE! It was only a few seconds because the parents quickly took the child out of the room, but a child crying is forever part of the couples wedding. It’s audible on the wedding video, and all of the head turns are visible as well. It is not ‘cute’ or ‘funny’ all these years later. It’s not that the kid was bad, in fact she was usually a quiet content little girl, it was an out of the ordinary outburst. There is always a risk of an ‘upset’ with any child no matter how angelic they usually are. That being said exceptions can be made if the couple being married choose, but they should never feel pressured to make exceptions to the ‘no kids’ criteria.
There are usually months, sometimes well over a year for guests with children to arrange childcare. Any bitterness from guests about ‘adult’ ceremonies is really uncalled for and very immature. It’s downright disgusting that some guests/parents would turn an ‘adult only wedding’ into a lesson for their kid’s on how to be bitter and angry at their adult relatives.

 
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su

Weddings can be so fraught with upset, it constantly amazes me how everyone seems to have a view and an opinion, other than the bride.
Do you know i knew a man once who had two girls with a partner very young in life and the realationship faultered. He spent ‘every weekend’ taking the kids out for ALL their childhood and would have had them full time had he been able, such was his love for his girls and trying his best to be a good dad, even though the ex partner did her best to ’spoil the relationship, bitter she had kids so young i guess and feeling she missed out’ Anyway these two kids, he tried his best with hated their dad as the years went on due to the mother constantly hammering it into them he was hopeless, useless man etc. (Yes parents, your views easily transfer across to the kids, so Louise be careful, your upset with your sister ist tranferring into your kids, start talking positively and bringing your son round, this is NOT worth a fall out)
When they got older they rarely cared for thier dad, he never saw a birthday card, or christmas card , or got a hug etc even though it seems his only use to them, was paying for everything which he used to do, because of course he felt he wanted to ‘they were his daughters no matter what’
Years passed, the kids grew up and the father tried to communicate, sent cards, letters, phone calls etc, but he rarely got a hi back often a bit of an attitude . Until that was one of the girls wanted to get married! All of a sudden, she is demanding it is HER RIGHT and HIS DUTY to pay for the whole of this wedding and because he still to this day wonders if they have turned out as they have turned out ‘due to him leaving the mother’ his love and guilt made him pay, whereas his friends around him said ‘tell her until she shows some manners she can whistle for it’ knowing he really did try his best to show care all his life to his girls as much as their mother would allow. Anyway to cut a long story short, he did pay! and when it came to the wedding, the mother walked the daughter down the aisle (Chuffed to bits she had knocked the father out of the job) and they placed the father on the end of one of the side tables (bitterly to show him! i guess? how mean can they get?? they take his money then treat him like a fool) and NOT on the top table and he sat there all the same! The story put tears to my eyes how sad this was, he sat there cause he loved his daughter even though she had been swayed and moulded into a very selfish bitter creature by the (ex) mother and he sat there and paid for it because he was still a proud dad, no matter what and do you know what he didnt create because he didnt want to ruin her day!! such was his love for this awful creature he still proudly called ‘his girl’ . Terrible story, but just shows how some weddings can be.
You know what years later , mark my words those kids will be crying at a grave of their dad as they get older and wiser, wishing they hadnt treated their dad so bad, but you know you cant tell them, they know best.
Look if you love your sister Louise, speak positively to your kids, move on, let it go, forget it and build bridges with your sister, it was one day, move on now i reckon.
Is there more of a back story with you and your sister? Does sound as though there is more to it, we dont know, cause i cant help but think sisters would wish whats best on both sides and your poor mum stuck in the middle.
Anyway, its all over now I wish you well Louise, I hope your sister has a long lasting relationship and for the records to end my tale, No the man in question hasnt heard from his daughter since, she took his money and ran! but i am sure when she needs a new car she will be back!! Weddings pah! and you asked above why i only had a service and a lunch time do and then whisked off to disneyland with the kids?? suggesting this isnt normal, hahah best way, believe me! I am starting a brand new trend!! stressfree weddings, there is a call for them honestly!!! :-)

 
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leigh ann

@louise:
im sorry louise, but YOU are the selfish one, not your sister. it wasnt your wedding, it was your sister, even if you were upset by her decision, you are the one who let it come between your family. you are the one who chose to stop talking to your sister over something so small and trivial. your little children think your sister hate them because you do too. children that young follow by example. you should be an adult and a SISTER, and mend your family, and stop complaining, because in the grand scheme of things THIS IS NOT A BIG DEAL.

 
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louise

Tiffany and leigh ann

Did you not read what I wrote?

My sister was offered by my parents the money to pay for the children. Secondly when my Aunties children came to the reception later on, she did not mind the being there after she had had a DRINK (If you notice drink is in capital letters). My children would not have been any different to my cousins, furthermore they went the church and did not miss behave there.

If a wedding is about the couple, why not go and have your day on your own, just the two of you.

Also what you say if I said that a black person or an old relative or a disabled adult couldn’t go to a wedding. Well you would cry that this is discrimination so isn’t it age discrimination not to allow a child to attend a wedding.

 
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Lilac

Oh, please, Louise. Your argument is, at best, a straw man. Black people were enslaved, beaten, treated as second-class citizens, and still face racism today. I don’t see anyone beating the poor babies - they are simply asked not to come because the bride and groom have chosen to not have an adult event.

Really, it’s not all about you.

 
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Lilac

Sigh. *Have chosen TO have an adult event. Clearly I cannot type today.

 
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louise

@su:

Thanks su

I know what you are saying, but this is not the first time that she has been like this towards the children in the family. In fact before she even decided that she was getting married, my son who was about 4 at the time asked me if my sister liked him.

Also my other sister’s child has special needs (which are non visual) and she doesn’t have the time of day for him, she can’t understand why he behaves the way he does.

That’s awful about that man you know, I can’t believe that people can be so cruel.

 
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Camie

@louise: @<a @Lilac: @leigh ann:
Strange what happened to my earlier post: This is to Louise…
It does not matter that your parents wanted the kids there it is not their wedding either. You should look up the word TRIANGULATION and see if it is what you did to get your parents on your side. You need to be a Good sister who takes the high road and be there for your sister it was her day NOT yours. Also, your kids are the ones following the rules. There is an undertone of sibling issues and we suspect are choosing to take it out because of the wedding but maybe its because you have underlying issues.

FYI: I am having a NO children reception at my wedding RECEPTION.
However, my 5 nieces and nephew will be there at the wedding. I chose to however, create an area at the resort for the kids to have their own little party. Hired vendors and baby sitters to bring in games and toys for my nieces and nephews. I did this because I want to and not because I am being forced to do it. Also, it is going to cost me more MONEY! Recently, my cousins found out I was doing this and wanted to bring their kids too. Now, seriously that would mean 60 or so second cousins running around. imagine it and think YIKES, MY WEDDING is not a high priced birthday party its an ADULT function. I told my cousin NO… they should understand as it is expensive. My cousin was insisting and I told her if she could not go without her children…sorry as we would miss her. That shut her up . The venue I am holding the ceremony is not kid friendly…in fact its on a bluff of a cliff next to the resort. Stunning and beautiful for pictures. I can just imagine one of the wayward kids just falling off the cliff…imagine this and cringe!!!! Now the reception area is on a terrace and again same scenario …I can imagine a young toddler cousin falling off. So here’s the deal…ITS not your party (deal with some weird issues you have) its the BRIDE AND GROOM’S Day. HAVE PEACE and make PEACE your relationships. One day should not ruin a lifetime of love and laughter. Maybe your sister will feel badly or maybe your kids might not invite her to their wedding…it’s their party you know.

 
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Erica B.

@louise:

DID YOU REALLY JUST COMPARE NOT HAVING YOUR KIDS WELCOMED AT YOUR SISTER’S WEDDING TO DISCRIMINATION?!

What a piece of work you are. Your kids weren’t invited. You roped your mom into attempting to guilt your sister in hosting your kids and the fact remains THEY WERE NOT WELCOMED. With family like you who needs any enemies.

A wedding is ANYTHING that the bride and groom want it to be. POINT BLANK. How dare you say that they should have just had the two of them if they didn’t want YOUR kids there. I’m angry on the behalf of your sister and the people who have to deal with your whining.

 
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Louise

@Erica B.:

I am not whinning.

Do you not understand what the word discrimination means, look it up. Yo will find that age whether it be old or young is the same. If it was in the work place then you would be in trouble.

Furthermore, i did not rope my mum into attempting to guilt my sister. This is because my mother spent 18 mths trying to fight the grandchildrens case, (must of which i was not aware of until after the wedding).

 
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Lilac

I believe that discrimination really amounts to something when a member of the discriminated class loses something akin to a right, such as fair wages, the ability to marry, the right to education, etc.

Kids not being invited to a wedding? BOO HOO, not so much. Going to a wedding is not a right. It is a privilege.

Seriously, would you get this up in arms if the couple to be married had an adult-only Halloween party were little poopsie wasn’t invited?

 
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louise

@Lilac: @Lilac:

i see you only mention one form of DISCRIMINATION . DISCRIMINATION is race, age, gender,Disability , class size or class, i could go on.

As i have said before, if the adult wedding was a friends or a cousins etc… then I would NOT expect my children to go to the wedding. However, this is my sisters wedding and she is my sons godmother.

 
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Lilac

@louise

Really? Only one? I mentioned race in one post, but also work discrimination (let’s include age & sex in here), marriage (gay, transgender), education (immigrants, what-have-you).

Also, all I see is that you make this about you. Look at your language: “My sister, my son.” This isn’t about you.

 
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louise

@Lilac:

The meaning of discrimination as written in the oxford dictionaries is
the unjust or prejudicial treatment of different categories of people, especially on the grounds of race , AGE, or sex:

Also what do you mean by the language i am using he is my son / my sister, do i just say son/sister or … not sure what you mean. I think i am using Correct english…. I think that you are trying to turn what i am saying.

Again i will say the same thing. my parents paid some money towards the wedding, they have the right to invite some guests. In fact my sister asked them which friends they would like to attand. My parents only wanted the grand children to attand. This is why my mum put her foot down and made sure the children were at the church.

Furthermore, i say againif the adult wedding was a friends or a cousins etc… then I would NOT expect my children to go to the wedding. However, this is my sisters wedding and she is my sons godmother. Again i use my but i am not sure what else i should use.

 
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Erica B.

@louise:

It wasn’t your call to make regarding rather or not your kids were invited!!!

It doesn’t matter if it was the kids grandparents, godparents, benefactor, WHAT THE BEEP EVER. They weren’t welcomed and you pitched a fit, threw a tantrum, acted like an entitled BEEP in order to have your way at your sister’s wedding.

It’s disgusting how many times you try to justify the fact that it doesn’t matter that your mom volunteered to pay for the kids–Your sister didn’t want them there. It doesn’t matter what the relation is between your kids and other family members–Your sister didn’t want them there.

They were not welcomed and you brought them anyways. I hope your sister omits you from her life because you don’t care about anyone but your BEEP self. You DID NOT respect your sister wishes on the day. Not your day. Not your kids day. Not even your parents day. IT WAS YOUR SISTER’S DAY!!

As a AA woman, having you equate not having little suzy or johnny be invited to a wedding as discrimination is INSULTING & RIDICULOUS. You have no clue what discrimination is.

Your kids don’t have a right to attend an event. It is a privilge to receive an invitation {as the rules of the invite dictate} and you can decide to attend by the rules governed or stay home. I just can not believe how entitled you are. SMH.

 
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louise

@Erica B.:

Any one can go to a wedding, you don’t have to have an invitation to attand the church.

I feel like i am writing the same thing over and over again my mum wanted the children to be in the church. Also, My mum also went out and bought the clothes that they had on that day (i paid her back). My mum feels like Her family day has been taken away from the wedding, because of how selfish my sister was.

I don’t think you understand how upset my mum was with her choice of not allowing the children.

You also seem to have a problem with the fact that i did what my mother told me to do and not what my sister said. Do you not do what was mother tells you to do, yo must have been a horrible child.

Also, as i have said before i was not the only person to who took their children to the church. My other sister, my auntie and a friend who my sister (who got marrired) works with brought their children. Also if you read what i wrote my auntie had her children in a room in the hotel. my sister did not have a problem with them coming in later on after she had been drinking. This is part of the reason why i think she is selfish.

I know what discrimination i have wrote it for you in my last comment. FurthermoreI have also wrote enough essays on the subject.

 
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Lilac

@louise

And yet you still fail to see that your sister’s wedding is not about you, your mother, or any children.

IT WAS ABOUT YOUR SISTER AND HER HUSBAND.

 
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Camie

@Lilac: @Lilac:
Lilac, you are right but you are preaching to a dead horse (@Louise). This person does not seem to understand the whole point that there is wedding in the first place is because the bride and groom want to come together to celebrate their union. Its about a new family beginning and the chosen family of origin attending. Believe you and I we all have those family members that if we could choose not be family with we wouldn’t. The bride and groom should choose who they want there and not be forced to include members or their families they do not want there. I am not including several members of my family and do not feel bad about it. I also have a severely disabled cousin who has a form of turrets. She can’t help but scream out in a high pitch noise every few minutes. I do not want her at the ceremony ruining the the sanctity of the moment. She is an adult about 32 years old but her mind is that of a child and so she can’t help it when she screams. It’s very rattling and off kind of noise to hear and I don’t like it. Now imagine it at your own ceremony and think what you would do? So I opt to not invite her or her parents as they do not believe in attending events without her. Mind you she is a grown woman and they refuse to get help to have someone sit with her? Will they be mad when they find out? Most likely yes. Do I care? NO. Is this discrimination towards my disabled cousin? I don’t think so. I just want my wedding ceremony and home videos to not have the random high pitch squawks and screams of my disabled cousin. I remember at her own brother’s wedding that she started acting out and yelling. That wedding was over 10 years ago and I still remember not the wedding but her yelling. I chose not to invite my uncle who gets drunk at events and causes scenes because I don’t want to deal with him getting bounced out of a nice place or worry about him driving drunk. Life is a series of choices and a bride has so many things going on. Its not always easy to make choices…but if it is right for the bride and the groom respect it. Some people are blessed with wonderful families who are supportive and understanding. Well others are not so blessed and have entitled relatives to insists their wants.

Hopefully, our writing on this blog will inform other Brides to stand strong on their wishes of not having children at their wedding if they do NOT want them there. Many people live VICARIOUSLY through their children and can’t leave them for just one day to attend an adult function. Well, there is something to be said…good luck to you in life. @Louise, You actually did what you wanted and forced your way by insisting you attend the church wedding w/ your children… YOU ARE WRONG!!! You are defined as a crasher and though your mother wanted them there it was not her right to insist and go beyond her (bride) daughter’s wishes. I commend Louise’s sister for standing up for herself on her wedding day. The one who is selfish here is Louise. Weddings are a funny thing it brings the best and worst out of people… sometimes its the bride, or groom or parents or guests. Its always easy to find people to commiserate when you are unhappy but how about the happy times? Just be happy for when someone else wins and…look up Galatians 5:26.
We can’t allow ourselves to act arrogantly and to provoke or envy each other. LOVE and PEACE to the brides and grooms looking for answers to Family dilemmas. I know you will make good decisions based on your needs. Don’t sway and if you are called selfish for making your decisions…take a look at the person calling you selfish.

 
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Ali

omg what is going on with people on this site.

Louise I am on your side close families children should be invited. I read on this site ‘new begins’, and not inviting your own nice and nephew is disgusting, as this is leaving them out of the new begins. A question to ask about ‘new begins’ Do you not think that children should be part of that future?

Louise I have never thought about not inviting children to a wedding as being discrimination, but I agree with you. I own a restaurant, if I said, for example that a person is too old to eat in my restaurant or a person could not come in because they were in a wheel chair I would be in trouble.

Why are people getting at Louise, her mother asked her to take the children, and Louise is right anybody can go to a church wedding so SHE IS NOT A GATE CRASHER. Many years ago myself and numerous work friends decided to go to another work colleges wedding. She did not know that we were coming; however, she was made up to see us and was pleased that we had decided to support her. By the way can’t you all read she was not the only one who took her children?

Louise, did you decide to be your sister’s bride’s maid. If you did, I bet it wasn’t you who took the children.

Brides don’t forget that one day you will have children and people may decide to get their revenge on you. What goes on in these people’s minds it’s just a piece of paper, which says that you will spend the rest of your life together. Look at the statistics one in three marriages in divorce. So there’s a 33% you will end up divorce being a single mother and have wasted all that money.

 
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Jesse

: @Ali:

Children topic is a touchy because many people do not want to leave their kids and feel they are an extension of themselves. Really children are not extensions of oneself and can be left at home for a few hours or with a sitter. I think the only exception is a new born or small baby who is nursing. However, again if they are not invited respect the rules and don’t go.
I for one believe that if I receive an invitation saying
no children I will respect it AND I have children.
I will hire a sitter or an au pair… very simple, not an issue. How much does it really cost to hire a sitter? Not much. If my sister did not want to have my child there I would understand. Not all brides and grooms want children and choose not to have them and may not appreciate a wayward child. Does anyone take that into account? I went to a wedding where the decorations were candles in water and it was quite lovely until the little guests started to play with the decorations and caused a fire. It was scary to see and of course put a damper on the party. Is that really fair to the bride and groom? What revenge? Its called respect for the BRIDE and GROOM. A lot of issues are because of past family issues and lack of respect. I think Louise’s mom did not respect her daughter the bride and by disrespecting her it was about her control. Especially, if the wedding is from 6 pm to 11 its an adult affair. Again, family members with no boundaries force their way and that is what Louise and her mother did by bringing the kids, as well as other random guests.

 
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su

I highly suspect there was ‘issues’ with you and your sister, long before the wedding, you mentioned she wasnt the greatest of god parents/aunt, your son questioned long ago if she even loved him. You mention drink etc.
Your sister must have sat down with your invite and actively knew what she was doing by not inviting your kids, she probably knew she would hurt you, but never the less thats what she chose.
I completely understand your hurt however, if a bride requests no kids, then quite frankly, that needs to be respected, however much it upsets you.
It is ‘her’ day after all and quite frankly turning up at a church with kids in tow, declaring it is a public place is ‘holding her over a barrel’ and going against her wishes. The lady above mentioned turning up to a friends wedding uninvited and being welcomed. Had you been told catergorically you were not welcome, would you have gone?
Weddings are toughies, families can be difficult, it can be a minefield, i think there is more of a back story to this than we all know.
Bottom line is though Louise the reason people are getting upset with you, is it sounds as though you forced your opinions (and your mums opinions) on the bride and no matter how awful a bride she may be, you just dont do that, its not ettiquette. You were told not to bring kids and you did. Thats wrong. Not just you but everyone who did. This day cannot be rewound and sounds to me like there was alot of hurt on both sides, but the bottom line is, you needed to take the moral high ground and do as you were asked and not spoil the brides wishes, however much her wishes upset you.

 
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Louise

Yes i was my sisters brides maid, and yes you are right i did not take my children to the church. It was my partner that did it, however, it was my mother who and father who got the children dressed and changed for church. They came to our house on the morning of the wedding and took them to their house. My mum said ‘i said i have paid a lot of money for this wedding the children are coming’.

The problem my sister has with the children of the family is due to my other sisters child with the issues.

If you read my blogs from before the wedding, it looks like my mother was against me bringing the children. However, what i have found out since the wedding is that my mum and dad have had numrous arguments over this with my sister. My parents put alot of money towards this wedding, should they not have a say who attands. When my mother got married she was told by her parents who would attand.

The friend who my sister works with who brought her child to the church did not know that children were not allowed to attand. My sister had not told her work friends that she was not allowing children.

Don’t forget anyody can go to church, therefore you are not a gate crasher.

 
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Lilac

Yes, you are a wedding crasher. A wedding is a private event.

 
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Jesse

@Louise:
Louise your last email sounds as if you are back tracking… first you said you you took them to the church now you say your partner took them which is it?

I started reading all your thread emails and I realized that you are not married or have ever had a wedding of your own. Per your post, “Love the idea of Honeymoon to Disney Land may do that myself when I finally decide to get married.” When you eventually get married you can have your kids at the wedding and not invite your sisters. Do you think deep down you have deep rooted issues that you probably won’t have a wedding and your way to act out is to make such a big stink on an event that happened already? Is it out of a little jealousy that your mom spent money on your sister? You could have said no to your sister and not been a brides maid or not even attended. Deep down do you think — The truth– people will NOT be as interested in you because you have already had children “out of wedlock” and not as exciting as a single woman who has no children. Do you fear that people won’t be as interested in going to your wedding or give you gifts?

You said your mother said “‘i said i have paid a lot of money for this wedding the children are coming”. This is where your mother is wrong using money to control her bride daughter. If she gave money towards the wedding it should be used as a gift with no strings attached. One should always do something because of love not because they think they are entitled to do so. This is where issues happen with parents try to control adult children. A grown child should not be controlled by a parent with MONEY. What I see is there is lack of boundaries in your family…you have a lack of boundaries. Also, when a church is booked for a wedding it is still considered crashing if you have no invite for your kids…its besides the point they are related to the bride. THEY ARE NOT INVITED!!

I finally agree with you on something and I post your comment to back it “I think that it was a mistake taking them (children) to the church.”

Your arguments are weak and at best you need to concentrate on your own life…and your future wedding at DISNEYLAND! You can have lots of kids there to help you celebrate your union to your partner. You can go on all the rides with your kids, my kids and everyone else’s kids. People react to you badly because you do not see the true issue: YOUR LACK of respect the BRIDE and GROOM!!! No where in any of your post that you were happy for your sister…NO WHERE. You were busy thinking about YOURSELF and your KIDS! Then you got your kids mad at your sister. Something they would have forgotten had you let it go. Maybe you should NOT have been a bridesmaid to your sister because you were less then SUPPORTIVE. True colors come out and yours = GREEN with ENVY for your sister.

 
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melanie

AMEN JESSE! I HAVE BEEN THINKIN THE EXACT SAME THING!

 
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Louise

@Jesse:

In order for the children to attend church i still had to tell my partner to take them (along with my parents) I can’t be in two places at once. I was actually answering a question that was asked by Ali,( thank you for supporting me Ali,) Omg i can not believe that u r correcting the English i used? I was telling a shorter version. However, because of the way people have been on this blog i have told the longer version to explain what happened. I am very sorry for this if this made you think that i lied (not).

Green envy of what????? Because i am not married??? But of an odd thing to say. I don’t want to get married. I am happy as i am, that is why i said “Love the idea of Honeymoon to Disney Land may do that myself when I FINALLY decide to get married.” If you notice finally is in bold which i have wrote now, don’t want you picking me up on what I have wrote. Also if you do want to quote me you need to look at what i said, honeymoon not wedding. Furthermore, i said ‘love the idea’ that was answering another blog, not actually my idea.
The point you made about people not being interested when i get married, another very odd thing to write. Do people not go to a wedding because the person has been married before, I DON’T THINK SO…? Also every wedding that i have been to, the couple have already had children, yet plenty of people attended. In fact my sisters wedding is the only wedding that i have been to, were the couple does not have children.

The issue on being a bride’s maid read the blogs above and you will see why i decided to do it.

I do think my kids they are the most important thing in my life, i would DIE for my children. Although, I am happy for my sister who got married, what i am not happy about is the way she went about it. But i can’t tell my whole life story; this blog is about myself not being happy about my children being invited to their aunties wedding.

 
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karen

The site is unbelievable the way you have decided to get at one person, she put her ideas forward and was asking for help. I have also put my ideas forward in my blog nobody has been the same to me.

Also Louise you are right anybody can go to a church, my Nan and her friends invite themselves to about 6 weddings a year. Sometimes it may not be someone they know at all. It might be her friends sisters neighbours son…. (an example).

 
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su

OMG really?? @ karen They invited themselves to weddings that they hardly knew the people of, i have had to scoop my jaw off the floor in shock. I am almost feeling relieved my wedding went so smoothly without gate crashers or uninvited children. Does seem very sad, you can save for years and years for this ‘perfect’ day to have these ‘univited guest show and ‘possibly’ spoiling things. I emphasise ‘possibly’.
Are the majority of you in America? I picked this site up when planning my wedding, but i am in England UK. Maybe its different over there than here, but to me, I find walking into someones wedding uninvited everso rude, is it more acceptable where you are maybe??. I am just humourously laughing at this ‘anyone can turn up at a church’ thing, maybe i can just walk in and demand it is my right to go to Prince Williams wedding? Now wouldnt that be something , demanding my right and be the ultimate gate crasher!
I genuinely feel for Louise and why she is hurt, but I really am shocked at this, you are allowed to walk into a church any time. Surely if it is ‘booked out’ for a wedding, then it is a ‘private function’ for that short time? Over here I am sure people pay to ‘hire’ the church and vicar? (Not that i know, i married in a registery office and thank goodness i did, is all i can say! I would have been in tears had a total load of strangers or uninvited guests walked in on this private moment. Also me being me, i would then feel oblidge to ask them to come along to the meal and then i may aswell have just opened up a soup kitchen for all and sundry! put up a sign, ‘come this way - free grub lol ) I presume my registery office wedding couldnt have been invaded by random people??
PHEW PHEW PHEW is all i can say, that i seemed to have got away with it this end! :-)

 
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Jesse

Do you know how the writing syntax and semantics of Karen and Louise seem the same? Are you gals the same person? I think you are the same. : ) I just wanted to mention it for the sake of active dialogue. Okay, here goes my third cent. Yes, I think you are jealous of your sister and obvious because you continue on and on. The point is an underlying theme that your mother spent money on your sister –and maybe will never spend it on you –as to why you are so pissed your kids could not go. I struck a nerve…this is called an “ahaa moment” is called INSIGHT!
Its your therapy over the internet.

In your own mind you can make yourself think you were right about your kids going to a wedding they weren’t invited to. However, the majority census has spoken and the answer is you are and were WRONG. You can go to another blog and write the whole topic all over again and will probably have the same answer.

Here’s a tip go the to library or book store and buy a book on etiquette like Miss Manners or modern etiquette for weddings. You will see that good manners dictates and the difference between class and well …troglodyte mannerisms. I laugh out loud because you go on and on about what a good mother you are (might I add you are over dramatic by stating you would die for them, no one is asking you to die, just hire a sitter). What you have taught
your children otherwise. You have taught them BAD MANNERS! There is something called rising above and you can’t. You don’t. You won’t. To those who who read I just proved a point. I hear the applause and laughter of those who have read my response.

By the way I am from the United States! Los Angeles, California. Area code 90210!

 
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Jesse

@karen:
I HAVE three words for you: SHAME ON YOU! You are a wedding crasher w/ no life.

 
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Lilac

Do you know how the writing syntax and semantics of Karen and Louise seem the same? Are you gals the same person? I think you are the same. : )

@jesse Haha! I thought this too. I think there is a sock puppet going around.

 
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karen

I am English, and my brothers friend is a priest. I asked him if anybody can go to a wedding. His reply is to the question was that anybody can go to a church, you are actually booking the use of the priest/ vicar and the use of the church and not the hire of the whole church. Also you can even go to a registry office even if you are not invited. They are like court and anybody can go.
I could say the same to you Jesse and lilac your ideas seem to be very much the same. If read what I have wrote above you will see that I am married already and that I had children at my wedding. Just because somebody has the same ideas does not make them the same person. I only decided to extend my commits further when I saw how much you were disagreeing with one person.

Do you mean my nan is a wedding crasher with no life? I agree, She also goes to funerals as well as weddings. We actually call her the seasonal mourner behind her back. Her and her friends think it is their duty to show support at both weddings and funerals.

 
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su

@Karen, I never knew that my wedding at a registery office could have been invaded by strangers if they so wished! as i said before, thankgoodness i got away with it lol!!
I do however think anyone attending a wedding without an invite is a tad rude (sorry not getting at your nan or anything, but to me its just not on) I really would have been gutted had random people just arrived and watched this very private and special moment quite frankly. :-)

 
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Jesse

@karen:

Dear Lamb chop the puppet! I am just kidding.

By the way I am not Lilac. However, I appreciate being akin to someone who has manners. If you read her thread she is quoting me and laughed at my jokes. Also, she probably laughing as she reads more of my witticisms and the random crasher’s diatribe!

Point being is this, NO invite… no GO! Even if you call the bride auntie.

@Karen or whoever you are… I give you a bit of respect for admitting your Nana has no life. Some people just want to be there for people in their time of happiness or need. However, it is still crashing and DISRESPECTFUL! But what harm is sweet, silver haired grandma? What reasons to go? Okay, here’s a made up scene or not:
nana is late on her mortgage payment and down on her luck. Low and behold she goes to the chapel to cry and beg god for help. Unbeknownst to her a wedding is going on and no one turns her away because… its a CHAPEL anyone can go. its okay to go to the service…its harmless enough. Sweet little ole’ nana sees an unattended jacket strung across the back of the chair. She’s curious and reaches into the jacket pocket and pulls out a wad of cash (Cash that is meant for the bride and groom). “Oh my goodness” nana says to herself “my prayers have been answered”. “I know what to do to help myself. So every Saturday and Sunday little ole’ nana attends the weddings and funerals at the local chapel. She has grown so brazen and confident in her skills that she even attends the wedding receptions, baptisim, wakes, funerals you name it the ole’ girl is there.
I just gave you a colorful creative scene why
NANA crashes . Now you should check in on her.
Maybe the ole girl is just lonely cause her family is not around her. Now, there is your insight over the internet.

So think about it people…Weddings are also where people can get robbed. You know strangers posing as guests but are really petty thieves who love to find out where the next wedding is so they can rob unsuspecting guests of wallets and purses.

The Movie the “Wedding Crashers” where the Owen Wilson character is a wedding crasher and by the end pitifully crashes funerals. Why does one do this? In the case of the character a need to connect but still remain detached, get some free food and some romantic action. That is until it becomes something quite sick. THEY MADE A MOVIE out of this I think there is something about human emotion…beginnings and death bring out something interesting in people.

What is the psychology of someone who pushes to attend a wedding or push to have their kids wedding? That is the POINT!

ENGLISH! Why I love the English…they are the epitome of modern manners…well not all of you.

 
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su

@ Jesse, haha Flamen nora! I could have been robbed too at my registery office! lol more relieved by the minute my wedding was event free, what a colourful story you put forward, yet so true!! this could really happen! brides be warned!! an even bigger ‘PHEW’ is repeated that my day was so uneventful! although I doubt we are suggesting Louises kids were modern day Oliver twists and slipping their hands in guests pockets lol :-) (Yes thought i’d slip in a bit of English literature lol)

Had a chuckle at your view of the English Jesse, epitome of modern manners lol, believe you me, plenty of rude people over here!! You only need to land at busy Heathrow airport and have 5 minutes here to realise that ‘we arent all sipping tea, with our little finger in the air’ you know :-)

Regardless of where we live though, I do however feel strongly with Jesse above, no invite, no go.

Now (she jokes) putting on her very best polite English manners, ‘it was awfully nice speaking to you, I do hope we speak again soon, it was really rather enjoyable, tally ho!’

 
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Jesse

@su:
Su, I am glad I made you laugh if you don’t have humor what is the point. Seriously, I think the English are amazing people and I honestly think that. The best wedding ever was Princess Di’s but we all now how that turned out. So true its not really about the wedding its about making sure the marriage is good.

God save the Queen and I mean this with RESPECT!! I hear you are all having a royal wedding in three months! So exciting. Now all you crasher put on your best clothing and smack Camilla for me (TEAM DIANA all the way), and say hi to Charles and Harry (mmmmmMMMM Harry). Oh CONGRATS Wills and his lovely bride!!!

 
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Jesse

Ohh I changed my mind don’t say hi to Prince Charles…smack him too. I am still a little angry with him.

 
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Gina

Louise, be quite. For once in your life, be quiet.

 
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SashaiG

Listen Louise, I see where u are coming from. Many posters are ok with the idea of dropping their kids of to daycare so they feel that u should so the same. I only leave my daughter with family or close friends as much as possible if I need to go out to an event etc. You are not obligated to be a bridesmaid just like she is not obligated to invite your children o the wedding. If you aren’t comfortable then don’t go, it’s as simple as that. If I was that uncomfortable about leaving my child somewhere then I would not be enjoying myself throughout the day. Brides seem to think that since they are getting married that you owe them something, you must do x,y, or z because SHE chose to get married when the only person who owes them something on that day is their husband to be. While it would be nice of you to be a part of her wedding, you aren’t obligated, and she isn’t obligated to invite your children although u think it would be nice, and don’t emotional brides or family tell you otherwise.

 
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SashaiG

I don’t even think a conversation is necessary, just politely inform her that you will not be attending, PERIOD. don’t try to manipulate her or give a guilt trip, if she doesn’t want your children there then she doesn’t want them there accept it & tell her that you either won’t be able to attend or that you would prefer to have limited participation. If she birches then tell her she needs to respect your adult decision, regardless of how she perceives it, just like u need to respect hers. Its quite simple really.

 

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