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Want to open a can of worms? Tell people you want a “no children wedding”. You'll get a few supporters, but others will secretly scorn you. Namely, the ones on your guest list who can't imagine leaving their little ones with a babysitter.
Having a kid-free wedding is one way to scale back the guest list for a small wedding, but be prepared for criticism. Judging by the comments on some bridal forums, there are some pretty strong opinions about kids and weddings. Some can't imagine why anyone wouldn't allow kids. They argue that it's anti-family not to invite children and that weddings are all about family. Others can't comprehend why anyone would want little ones underfoot at such an “adult” event.
We had kids at our wedding. Mind you, there were only three – but I wouldn't have had it any other way. That said, I understand why some couples opt for a “no children wedding”. Couples generally spend months orchestrating their weddings – not to mention saving for them. Along comes one tantrum throwing toddler, and “kaboom!” perfection is destroyed – especially if it happens during the vows.
Kids are unpredictable. They cry. They make messes. They bump into things and are known to stick their fingers into places that they shouldn't (e.g. cake, nose, you get the picture.) But oftentimes, they're also surprisingly well-behaved during special occasions and can add a lot to your big day.
If you are sure you want a “no children wedding”, how do you ensure that your adult guests won't bring their offspring?
Whether your motives for going kid-free are a limited guest list, or a morbid fear that crying babies, tantrum throwing toddlers and playful preschoolers will wreak havoc on your wedding, here are some ways to get the message across to your guests that kids aren't invited:
• Before you send out the invites, call friends and family who have kids and let them know that a wedding invitation is on the way and that you have opted for a “no children wedding”. That way they will have time to line up babysitters.
• Wedding etiquette experts (I am not one of these. Trust me.) say that it's tacky to write “no children” on the invites. Instead, state on the RSVP card that it will be an “adult reception”. Another way of saying this is to write the following on the RSVP card: “We have reserved __seats in your honor” and just include the number of adults.
• Be firm. If you cave at your sister's request to bring her little ones, and your friend's little ones were forced to stay with babysitters, there might be hurt feelings.
One way to please your guests with kids is to have a babysitter or two at the wedding venue. Set up fun activities like a craft center to occupy the kids. One word of caution: some kids get severe separation anxiety and will not take to this idea very well. Keep this in mind when you are pursuing this option.
Photo: Ralph Heinze Photography
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We were OK with having kids at our wedding but didn’t want to encourage it. So we didn’t put their names on the invite, and then by word of mouth only invited the children we liked and wanted to be there. A little sneaky, but it worked for us.
I think these are good tips for people who want a “no children” wedding. I know we didn’t invite anyone under the age of 16 and I’m happy with how that turned out. We did 2 of your tips–we made sure to let parents know ahead of time that they would need to find a sitter and we were firm about our decision. We didn’t make exceptions for anyone and didn’t include children in the wedding party.
This is such great advice. I really wish I had read this 4 yrs ago when we were planning our wedding. We didn’t have an abundance of kids of we did have several criers that really slightly got on my nerves during parts of the readings and prayers. =(
I’m hoping word of mouth — and specifically addressing invites to ONLY the adults/parents — will help our guests get the message!
No easy answer on the “kids/no kids” debate. No matter what, someone will be upset.
We have set the cut off at no one under 18, even though that leaves out about 10 out of my 24 first cousins. Unfortunately, that left two families with one or more 18+ coming and one younger, not. UGH!!
With a 185 max guest list for an EVENING wedding and reception, the cut had to happen somewhere. Do I have regrets about not being able to have all 24 cousins present? Of course! Do I wish that family members who I see every couple of years could be a little more understanding? Absolutely.
We do have one compromise: Everyone could come to the ceremony. They just have to hit the road before cocktail hour. Babysitters, Wii and pizza will be provided.
We are having a 75 guests wedding & opting for no children. We are having an “adult reception” and I have indicated on our website “no children under 16″ and will be limiting the invites to adult counted for only - however, my nieces are my flower girls - and I dont have bridesmaids - I have advised my counsin that I am not having kids at the wedding and I dont want him to take it personal but it’s b/c we are having cocktail party and a cigar roller & its a small adult type wedding - Im sorry but it’s not huge - but my nieces will be there (He said he understood; however dont know if his wife does)
Is it ok that my court is two girls (5 & 9) but no other kids are allowed? Any tips for that?
I’m not a big fan of the fact that your post seems to classify those of us who didn’t want children at their wedding as people seeking to create perfection at their weddings. That’s a fairly judgemental assumption.
We only have two friends who have kids and I don’t think either of them will be upset by leaving their little ones at home. If I had kids related to me then I would invite all the kids but only our two groomsmen have children and the grandparents all live in town and make easy and cheap baby sitters so we’re opting for no kids. I think its just whatever works for best for you and your family.
Ms. Guava-tini:
we are have a jr bridesmaid who is 12, a flower girl who is 3.5, and a ring bearer who is 2……and those are the only children who will be allowed. we too are having a cocktail reception….and the children will be leaving the reception early in the evening.
We had a “no kids invited” with the understanding that there were a few that were going to be brought anyway. But for us (and many other couples I know) it wasnt a worry of them “ruining” a crucial moment - its that we wanted a PARTY where the adults could dance and drink and not have to worry. We just weren’t creating a kid friendly environment.
That’s difficult. How did you say “NO” to children?@ mdarrah.
This is my problem!! We have 10 total children, all from immediate family members and all under the age of 7 (mostly todlers and infants). Their parents are all in our wedding party and they are all from out of state. We definitely do not want children at our Ceremony or Reception and I have not broken the news yet.
We will definitely do a babysitter/coloringbook/chicken finger situation in a separate room in the reception area. Otherwise, I don’t think people will even come..
I opted for an “Adult Reception” in my invitation. 12 kids did attend as 8 were my siblings kids and they were in the wedding party. 3 kids were my husband’s best friends. It was only fair for my husband to have some kids on his side since I was having 8. He doesn’t have any young nephews. The other child was a surprise, my cousin brought his daughter but we were never asked. It was no biggie as it was only 1. I also added in the RSVP “We have reserved __ seats in your honor”. My husband and I agreed and sticked to the plan in case someone asked. I never heard any fuzz form others, I figured everyone would be able to understand.
I must say this is one of the hardest things for us…and because I enforced the only kids at the wedding will be the kids in the wedding rule…my aunt with her three kids who were in the wedding will not be coming because her boyfriends daughter can not come…its very frustrating….
I wish we had done this for our wedding too. We were fussing about how to fit in the kids and wish we had just did an adult wedding reception! Maybe we should have hired exotic dancers as entertainers so that the kids would be left at home. As a wedding photographer now, I see that 3/4 of the weddings I attend in Vancouver are adult receptions only.
No little ones at our wedding.
1.) The ceremony starts and 5, so the whole event will run late into the night.
2.) The reception is very much celebratory, and the alcohol will be flowing generouslly.
3.) We’re young and childless, most of our friends are the same. There were only about 10 children that needed consideration — the couples that I talked to directly entheusastically agreed it was better child-free, and those who got word from someone else were also ok with it.
Also we’re not having ringbearers or a flower girl, I think having those members of the bridal party but a no child wedding is contradictory.
We put “an adult affair” on the very last line of the invitation
I considered having a no-kids wedding. Our church only has two times for Saturday weddings: before 2 pm or after 7 pm. There’s no way young children would have stayed happy and alert through a ceremony at 7 pm and then dinner at 8 or 9 pm.
Since we have so many guests coming from out-of-town, out-of-state, and out-of-country, we couldn’t tell them to leave their kids at home. 2 pm wedding it is, then!
There are 50 children who are either members of our family or kids of attendees. We don’t have room for them, and our venue is a farm so there’s a safety issue.
We are only inviting our nephews (both bt 1 yr - 18 months), and only 1 of my first cousins is under 17. That’s the cutoff for everyone else. I would have loved to accommodate everyone’s children, but unfortunately, we would have basically have to cut ALL of fiance’s and my friends off of the guest list to do so.
The thing that’s driving me nuts is the people giving us the most guff about it are the ones who had ADULTS-ONLY receptions themselves! Sigh.
I just don’t think there should ever be any “guff” about whether or not the bride and groom want children at THEIR wedding. I know it happens, but to me, it’s just another example of how the day becomes less of what the couple want and more of what everyone else wants. We had an adult only reception (with the exception of my own two that were in the wedding and two other children), and it was worded as such, in a tactful way on the invitations. We had a lot of children at our wedding which in my opinion, was a decent compromise. Our venue wouldn’t allow us to have candles as part of our centerpieces with children present, and that was just something I didn’t want to compromise on.
indiebride.com has a lot of good advice on this subject.
I agree with this article, except that last point. Most people understand that immediate family is always the exception to just about every rule. So, really–it’s OK to have your nieces and nephews there, but expect that nobody’s else’s kids can come.
Our wedding is not until August so we’ll see how it goes, but we’ve spread the word that it’s a no kids wedding. The only exceptions we’re making are for my fi’s nieces and nephew, who are part of the WP, and my first cousins, who are 13 and 15. We wouldn’t have minded kids on the screaming/acting up factor, it was the fact that with 350 people invited, and most being big Greek families, including people’s kids would LITERALLY have added 75-100 guests. And despite what people think, at our venue at least, kids meals are NOT cheap. I feel bad but we simply couldn’t do it. Should be interesting to see who tries to bring them anyway.
We’re having a “no kids” wedding, including our wedding party. First, we have limited room (120 max can fit in our reception venue), and if we allowed kids then we’d only be able to invite 80 adults. I guess this is a problem when marrying in your late 20s/early 30s — lots of people have had kids by now! Second, open bar. ‘Nuff said. Finally, we have some very badly behaved kids/parents on both sides, and we’re of the all-or-nothing mindset when it comes to kid issue.
We warned the important people ahead of time of our decision, invited the adults by name, and had “___ of 2 will be able to attend.” on the RSVPs. Apparently there is some drama on FH’s side of the family, but no one’s come to complain to us directly, so we’re fine with that.
It’s a personal decision, one way or the other. I don’t get the complaining, because it’s not like attending a wedding is compulsory!
[...] If you’re having children at your wedding, you might want to consider a designated kids’ table, complete with babysitter. (Read this if you’re considering not having children at your wedding). [...]
[...] If you’re having children at your wedding, you might want to consider a designated kids’ table, complete with babysitter. (Read this if you’re considering not having children at your wedding). [...]
My fiance and I are having a “no kids” reception (except for one of my cousins, who has special needs and cannot be left with someone she doesn’t know, and FI’s 14 year old sister). It was a tough decision, but I couldn’t afford an additional 75 guests (if everyone brought their kids!) Some have complained, but we are paying for this ourselves and had to cut corners somewhere. It has nothing to do with liking kids–I’m a children’s therapist! It was just necessary financially–not to mention that our reception is 6-10pm.
Oh also, we are having babysitters provided during the reception (at FMIL’s house) with video games, movies, and a pizza party. They’ll probably have more fun there anyway!!
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I am having a destination wedding and I really would like to have an adults only ceremony and reception. Yes, i totally understand that we are asking people to take a mini vacation and yes I totally understand that it might be difficult for people to attend and have to deal with childcare issues BUT I also think people should be more considerate and understand that children count as headcount. I have a few cousins who have told me they are bringing their kids -they didn’t ask. 
I don’t have children but I know that when I do have them I will not just assume that its ok to bring a child to a wedding.
I think that it’s disgusting not having children at a wedding especially when it is your brother and sisters children.
Children are part of the family and the wedding cannot be called a family wedding if members of the family are missing. Also it is nice to look back at the photos of the whole family. Furthermore, the children will know that you do not want them at the wedding and will remember for the rest of their life’s.
I think that the person above which is happy to pay for a full bar, yet not have children at their wedding is appalling they would rather their guests get drunk than have child there. If they did do this then their would be more money to pay for children. I especially think that the brides nieces and nephews should attend they are part of the family.
I am having an issue myself trying to decipher my head count for my wedding like everyone has or is currently. The hard part is trying to figure out who you want to attend and how many people you allow for them to bring. I have four children of my own who are 10 and under, and my fiance has a teenager and we are on the fence in deciding to cut off the children at them. Its hard, and its not that the bride and groom are being spiteful, its just the fact that weddings are really expensive, and paying $85 for my four-year old little cousin to eat $5 worth of food is really not cost effective. I’m looking at if I were to allow everyone to bring their children to the wedding/reception (which is in the same venue) then my headcount will be well over 250 guests and the majority of my guests would be children, which end up turning it into a high priced b-day party, and thats not what we want. We want this day to be about us becoming a family and asking a few family members and friends to be there to join us. I know that I’ll get heck from SOME of my family members, as the majority of them agree that a wedding especially mine which starts at 6p should be an adult only affair.
Please remember weddings are about FAMILY getting together. Though I have no problem wtih Adult only weddings. I think people are losing what a marriage is…and wedding is….Anyway, I have a fun one. Going to an out of state wedding…night time gala, no kids inivited. Understand. No problem. Heard through grapevine they want NOT CHILDREN PERIOD, meaning no children traveling with you. If you have a babysitter or not. They want to create a romantic atmosphere for everyone.
Eleanor, please see it from another point of view. A wedding is about a couple finalizing their permanent commitment to each other (not about pleasing guests or getting families together). Babies and toddlers won’t get very much out of it. Older children- depends on the children.
Who wants children throwing tantrums during evening weddings, putting hands all over food at buffets (which I have seen), etc? My daughter is having a black tie wedding and honestly, I cannot see her future SiL or BiL (both of whom are in the wedding party) diapering their 5 month old in evening dress!
I myself was at 2 weddings when each of my daughters 3 weeks old (and was matron of honor at one). I most certainly did leave them with sitters and was glad to do so.
At my own wedding, I invited 2 babies related to me; both mothers told me they wanted to enjoy themselves, and therefore hired sitters. Why do people today have to be so child-centric? It’s good for adults to be adults.
One more thought. Many wedding venues do not have an extra room for children (my daughter’s does not).
Marisa,
I totally get NO KIDS at the wedding. My issue is NO KIDS allowed at the out of town location. So that means I need to find a babysitter and travel without my kids. They are not having a bunch of activities during the day. We will not even be seeing them until the wedding. They have stressed no kids at the city where they are getting married. Sorry, this is going a little too far…NOT kids at the wedding, fine. You can’t stipulate no kids at the out of town location.
Totally agree with you on the kids at the location city.
What a bunch of squares on this thread. Kids suck. “you can pay for booze, but not allow kids” get a life loser. Have a drink now and then and send your pain in the ass kids to the babysitter.
I put on my invitation,16 + for the wedding , 18+ at the reception. In bold red ink! On an invitation that only had the adults name on it. 3 couples brought there 6 kids any ways.
My door guard or big guy in a Kilt, promptly showed them the door! They called the best man and complained, they drove an hour to come to this wedding, you should let us in.
He said, If you are on the invite you are welcome.. They protested, what are we gonna do w/ our kids. Our BM said, Why did u bring them, they weren’t invited.
The mothers said, We just assumed you meant all of us! The BM, How did u get that? Did it say and family or plus 2 .. No, it had the intended guests on it. Also, it says 16 & 18+ only on the invite, do your kids fit that profile.
They sent me some nasty text messages and emails.
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About Me: Christina Friedrichsen is the author of Intimate Weddings: Planning a Small Wedding that Fits Your Budget and Style and owner of IntimateWeddings.com. She wrote Intimate Weddings after planning her own 50-guest wedding. She wants other brides to feel confident in their decision to have an intimate wedding – even if their ideas buck convention. She wants couples to feel a sense of validation and to hear about all the wonderful things a small wedding can offer them. IntimateWeddings.com provides brides with a slew of planning articles, as well as a place to find small wedding venues. The Intimate Weddings Blog is chock full of fresh ideas for planning a small wedding, as well as real weddings and a slew of creative DIY wedding ideas that cut costs without sacrificing quality.
I have had friends stipulate on their invites that a “Adult Reception’ was to follow the ceremony.
We are having a small wedding as well, 60 guest, but we’re having a cocktail reception. Children should not be invited to a cocktail party, so it should be understood that it is an adult gathering. The only under age guest at my wedding will be my two nephews: well, one is 18 years of age and the other is 12 years old.
I am not going to get into a whole debate on whether or not to invited children.