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In the next post of the Real Grooms Series, I asked our resident “groom”, Danny Lai, to give his advice on what really matters most during those hectic yet important planning stages of the wedding. Danny tells me that the best advice you can get (regarding what matters most during the planning and the actual wedding) are from people who planned their own wedding. Of course, we all know that each experience is unique and different but it sure is refreshing to hear a male's perspective. Don't you agree? Here's Danny answering the question - What's important during the planning stage of a wedding?”

Advice will vary, depending on who is giving it, especially depending whether it's a bride or groom. As a newlywed groom, I learned some important lessons while helping to plan my own wedding, and thought it would be useful to share. These are my opinions only, my simple thoughts on what was actually important to us.

Wedding vendor rapport - Your rapport with your wedding vendor -whether for invitations, cake, floral, or photography - is the most important factor that affects the quality of their work and your level of satisfaction with them. Take the time to interview all of your prospective vendors, and make sure there is a good personality fit with whomever you choose. Wedding artistry is expensive, and if you don't trust and respect your vendor you may start to question or criticize your vendor's work, leading to frustration and mistrust all around. Finding a wedding vendor with a similar personality and working style helps to promote an honest, collaborative working relationship.

When you and your wedding vendor have mutual trust that you're working towards a common goal, you'll find that things get done more efficiently, on time and on budget, and in a way that makes you feel good about your decision.

Time on your wedding day - This will be the fastest day of your life, which is why the pre-planning stage is important. There are so many things to do, people to see, good food to eat, and very little time to do it all. Do not expect to spend time with everyone who attends your wedding. Prioritize and make a mental list of people you definitely want to see, and seek them out during the reception (or have your wedding coordinator find them for you). Don't expect that you'll have time to make the rounds to see and talk to everyone. For a 200-person wedding with a 4-hour reception, you can expect that between the speeches, eating, table toasts, and obligatory pictures you will have just over two hours to mingle with your guests. That leaves you on average 36 seconds to spend with each guest, which is barely long enough for them to congratulate you and for you to thank them for coming, and maybe asking them if they liked the food.

Free labor - Do not pass up free labor. I'm talking about the wedding party, specifically the groomsmen (and even the ushers). Bridesmaids’ duties are fairly well-defined, and they will be busy with supporting the bride and tending to her needs. Groomsmen generally don't have set duties, and can be convinced to help. Voila, free labor. And practically all wedding preparation is labor-intensive. For our wedding, we spent countless hours folding, stuffing, and stamping invitations, assembling wedding programs, and constructing the party favors and name tags. You can turn a time-consuming 12-hour job into a low-key evening by rounding up the groomsmen to get it done in a couple of hours, assembly line-style.

Airtime - The wedding day is primarily about the bride, but it's your day too (especially if you poured in long hours helping with the wedding planning). Make sure that you get the airtime you want and deserve. For our wedding, instead of being placed in the front at the start of the ceremony, I chose to walk down the aisle during the ceremony. My groomsmen also got to walk down the aisle. I felt like we deserved the airtime, and they did as well (see “free labor” above). Your wedding day is your best excuse to feel and act like a celebrity because, well, you are. Make yourself accessible to everyone; they came from near and far to see you and support you. Savor these moments, because every conversation you have is an additional memory of the happiest day of your life.

Guests - What about them? Weddings aren't fun for everyone. Some of your guests come only because they love you. It is important that you consider their comfort level as well. Wedding guests have a good time when they get to connect with friends and meet new ones. Some people are naturally outgoing and make new friends easily. Others require a little liquid courage. I think it's important for all weddings to have at least a little alcohol (unless the wedding is dry for religious/financial reasons) to ease the tension of being among so many strangers, and promote conversation. Also, put some extra thought into the reception seating chart really helps. Your guests will spend a good portion of dinner seated at their tables, so this is a good time to introduce friends from different walks of life. You should factor in relative comfort levels and common interests when determining the right mix of familiar faces and new faces. For most of our tables, we seated a group of six friends with different group of four friends.

Second image: Photography by Kevin Chin
Third image: Photography by RAH
Top and bottom images: Photography by Lisa Leigh

The next Real Grooms post will be about -what is not important during the planning stage of a wedding.