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This is part 2 of the post “What’s Important, What’s Not” from the Real Groom series. Once again, I give you our groom, the amazingly generous and kind, Danny Lai.

Photography by Kevin Chin

Obligatory face time - Do not feel obligated to obey all of the age-old formalities and wedding traditions. Grumpy relatives don’t have to be seated at your table if all they’ll do is complain and ask about when you’ll have kids. It is your wedding, and you should make sure you get to see the people you’ve been looking forward to seeing.

One of my biggest regrets was not keeping track of the people I wanted to see, and not realizing that they had already left until the end of the evening. Continuously make the rounds, and don’t spend too much time talking to people you see all the time. This is the one time when everyone in your life is within ear shot, and when everyone wants to see and talk to you. Take advantage of this opportunity, and connect with the people you rarely get to see.

Pictures taken with everyone - There will be lots and lots of cameras at your wedding, and hardly a single detail will be missed. Your friends will send you the pictures that they took, you’ll have your wedding photographer’s photos, and between the thousands of pictures you sort through, you will have photographic evidence of everyone who attended your wedding. Why waste precious time during the cocktail hour or reception rounding everyone up so that you can get a posed photo of everyone? A much more meaningful memento would be a photo collage showing candids of everyone at your wedding. After the wedding, when time is less of the essence, you can take your time printing the photos and assembling your collage.

Wedding reception program checklist - The traditional wedding reception program - complete with speeches, first dance, cake cutting, and bouquet tossing - has remained fairly constant over time, so there must be a good reason why those activities are included. But, that’s not reason enough to just follow what everyone else does. Different couples have different passions (and fears), and should incorporate elements that are truly meaningful to them. A first dance, father-daughter dance, or mother-son dance is a great way to put the spotlight on a particular couple, but what if they don’t like to dance? Is it better for them to be uncomfortable, trying not to trip while everyone is looking at them? Or would it be better to stand up and say a few words about them to acknowledge how important they are to you?

When considering the reception program, make sure to include only elements that are meaningful to you, so you don’t waste time going through the motions of doing something that’s “supposed to be done.”

Perfection - A misspelled word on the wedding program, a few drops of rain or a bit of wind, some late-arriving guests, a screaming baby, the ring bearer doesn’t want to stand during the wedding - these are all little things which make a wedding truly unique and certainly less than perfect, but also uniquely yours. Everyone obsesses about having a perfect wedding because they believe perfect weddings are memorable. But, ask any person to recall a memorable wedding, and the description won’t start with “It was the perfect wedding …” as much as “I’ll never forget that wedding because [some memorable event]“. Obviously, we want to avoid spelling mistakes, bad weather, tardiness, and disruptive behavior whenever we can, but if it happens, just roll with them. You control what you can control. By that measure, your wedding is perfect. All the little things out of your control, well, they’re just bonuses to an already “perfect” and eventful day.

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Now that Danny has shared with us what is not important, please share with us in the comments what you feel is not important in regards to your wedding?