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Nicole and Sinan were married at the Warwick, in Philadelphia, PA in mid-October. Nicole found me through Weddingbee, and I was more than happy to make the trip down to Philly for her wedding ceremony. Nicole is American and Jewish, and Sinan is Turkish and Muslim, so I worked with them to create a multi-cultural ceremony with a few elements that reflected each of their backgrounds – combined with their incredible Love Story and lots of laughter.
A few days before the wedding, Nicole emailed me and said that there was a Turkish tradition they wanted to include – the bestowing of jewelry on the bride! Just after being declared husband and wife, the groom's family were invited up to the chuppah, where they SHOWERED Nicole in beautiful jewelry (gold is traditional). Necklaces, rings, bracelets, and earrings were presented from her new in-laws. It was a wonderful way to show their happiness and excitement to welcome Nicole into their family!
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I frequent the Weddingbee message boards, and one of the frequent questions I find myself answering over there is “Where do you find a wedding officiant?”
Sometimes I think the Wedding Industrial Complex has forgotten about the wedding officiant. I've met with couples who have been planning their wedding for 18 months – but didn't think to hire an officiant until three weeks before. Many couples worry about who is going to marry them if they don't get married in a church or a temple, or if they are non-religious or don't want a minister or a rabbi. The WIC tells brides that they need to match their bridesmaids’ dresses to their shoes exactly, that you need monogrammed napkins and signature drinks – but tells you nothing about customizing or personalizing your wedding ceremony, which is one of the most important parts of the entire day – otherwise, it's really just a party.
Here's the thing: wedding officiants and Celebrants are out there! And we want to perform your wedding ceremony – exactly how you want it to be! My weddings have NO requirements when it comes to their structure or content. Sure, I'll guide you in certain directions, based on my past experiences on what works, but you can basically choose exactly what you'd like to include in your wedding. It's always personal, and truly reflects the people being married.
And I'm not alone in doing this – there are Celebrants all over the United States (and a few scattered across other countries, too!) who want to work with you to create a beautiful wedding ceremony. You just need to find them! And we really do all that we can so you don't feel like you're being married by a wedding vendor or professional – we try to make it feel like you're being married by a friend (well, at least, I do). A friend who knows a lot about wedding traditions and the ins and outs of ceremony, that is.
So here are some tips when you begin your officiant search:
Cathleen and Matt were married at the spectacular Highlawn Pavilion in West Orange, NJ in late September.
It was a beautiful, sunny day. Their ceremony was sweet, funny, and meaningful, and included this reading, from Plato's Symposium (a great non-religious reading!):
I recently met with a couple who were interested in ways to incorporate their support of marriage equality in their wedding ceremony – so I turned to one of my favorite sources (the internet!) to find some good ideas for them. I am proud to live in a state that offers civil unions (it's a big step in the right direction!).
Officiating at the civil union of Jess & Lorrie
My favorite suggestions came from this A Practical Wedding blog post. I really liked the idea of including a brief notice in your program:
Jessie and Dan believe that marriage is a universal human right, and look forward to the day that they can celebrate the joy and privilege of legal marriage with their LGBTQ friends and family.
Another suggestion that Meg had was, if you include a wine ceremony, to spill a few drops (kind of like at a Passover seder!) to suggest the sacrifices and sadness at the fact that our gay friends cannot have the same rights in marriage as we will.
I thought I would take a few posts to write about the various unity ceremonies that can be included in wedding ceremonies. There are not only so many wonderful rituals and traditions that you can include – but there are so many variations on each of them.
Let's start with one of my favorites, the sand unity ceremony.
In this ceremony, the bride and groom pour sand into a central vessel, to represent the many aspects of their lives coming together, and their marriage and lives will be as hard to break apart as it would be to separate the many grains of sand.
I was a theatre major in college – and when I would stage manage, I was often the voice that told you to turn off your cell phones and pagers and unwrap your candy before the performance would begin.
Groomsmen at the rehearsal before the ceremony (via melissa blemur)
(And, yes, both of the photos in this post were taken at recent weddings I officiated… before the ceremony!)
Now, I'm often the voice that asks guests to turn off their cell phone and other noisy electronics prior to the wedding ceremony. I like to say, “Other noisy electronics” in addition to cell phones because many cameras make sound now, too, and you never know who's going to bring a portable gaming system and just play Mario Kart quietly through the ceremony.
Emily and Nick were married along the shores of Lake Tahoe in August. Now – you might be thinking – isn't Lake Tahoe in California? And, Jessie, don't you officiate weddings in New Jersey and New York?
Emily & Nick, married in Lake Tahoe - ceremony by Eclectic Unions, officiated by a friend of the couple
Emily contacted me a few weeks before her wedding regarding my wedding ceremony writing services – they were having a friend officiate, and were having some trouble putting together a ceremony that really reflected them and showcased their love and relationship. So I worked with Emily and Nick, cross country (hurray for email!) to create a personal and special ceremony for them. It was so lovely to be a part of their wedding, even if I wasn't actually there!
Follow Along Ceremony.
Part 1: Meet Sarah & John!
Part 2: First Meeting, First Outline
Part 3: Creating Rituals
Part 4: Choosing the Readings
Sarah and John didn't have a bridal party, so they had a lot of unique and beautiful ways to incorporate their family (the Circle of Love, and reading introductions for the myriad of rituals they included) and friends (readings!). They had one more unique way to incorporate their siblings: the vows.
Usually, the vows are read from a card, or prompted by the Celebrant. But Sarah and John had Sarah's brother and John's sister come up, stand with them during their vows, and prompt them with each line. They also combined their ring vows with their vows, so after they spoke the vows, they placed the ring on the other's finger.
I have my final beach wedding of the season this weekend (please send us good weather vibes!!). If you're planning your beach wedding for next spring or summer, here are some great tips that I've culled from my beach weddings this year!
Jess & Kenny exit their ceremony, at Seven President's Beach, Long Branch, NJ
Amplification is a must! There is something about the sand / water / wave crashing combo that just SUCKS sound. Even if it costs a little bit extra to have your DJ set up a separate sound system – it is worth it so your guests can hear every word of the ceremony. I recently purchased a new sound system, specifically because my portable system was not going to cut it for a beach wedding. Check with your venue to see if there is power at the beach as well, to let your DJ / band / musicians / officiant know what kind of plugs / power they need to bring.
It's windy! Veils will blow around, and so will your hair. It's a good idea to tie rings securely to any ring pillows (if they're not safely in the honor attendant's pockets). If you have a structure or altar with a cloth, make sure everything is attached securely.
As of September 1st, I am officially self-employed, and am proud to say that Eclectic Unions is my full time gig.
Since its inception in 2008, I have been dividing my time, working at a full time day job and running my Celebrant business. It has been very busy, but very rewarding.
Earlier this month, I decided it was time. I never expected my Celebrancy practice to get off the ground so quickly, and I feel so lucky, every single day, that I get to do what I do. I am so happy that I get to share these amazing, incredible, and inspired moments in my couple's lives, and truly feel blessed.
I couldn't have done it without the near endless support I've received from so many people in my life, especially my mom, my best friend Lindsey, and my fiance Dan. They have each helped to get me started in more ways than one, and I am lucky to have such a fabulous support system.
But most of all, I need to thank you – my amazing couples (past, current, and future), and my blog readers. Because of you, I get to wake up with a smile on my face every morning, and I get to follow my passion and my dreams.
It means the world to me.
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Jessie Blum, New Jersey
Vendor: Officiant
Website: Eclectic Unions
About Me: I began writing & officiating wedding ceremonies in 2008, and love every single moment of it. It all started when my best friend asked me to officiate her Jewish/Lutheran/Pagan (but completely non-religious!) wedding - since then, I've found a love and passion for creating original wedding ceremonies that truly reflect the couples being married. Wedding ceremonies should be all about the bride & groom's love, relationship, and commitment, and I do my best to make sure everything is just perfect! I live in Northern New Jersey with my fiance and our two kitties, and, when I'm not meeting with my awesome couples or writing wedding ceremonies, I love to knit, obsessively check my email, and plan my own wedding (Oct 2010!).
