Weddingbee PRO
Nicole and Sinan were married at the Warwick, in Philadelphia, PA in mid-October. Nicole found me through Weddingbee, and I was more than happy to make the trip down to Philly for her wedding ceremony. Nicole is American and Jewish, and Sinan is Turkish and Muslim, so I worked with them to create a multi-cultural ceremony with a few elements that reflected each of their backgrounds – combined with their incredible Love Story and lots of laughter.
A few days before the wedding, Nicole emailed me and said that there was a Turkish tradition they wanted to include – the bestowing of jewelry on the bride! Just after being declared husband and wife, the groom’s family were invited up to the chuppah, where they SHOWERED Nicole in beautiful jewelry (gold is traditional). Necklaces, rings, bracelets, and earrings were presented from her new in-laws. It was a wonderful way to show their happiness and excitement to welcome Nicole into their family!
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I frequent the Weddingbee message boards, and one of the frequent questions I find myself answering over there is “Where do you find a wedding officiant?”
Sometimes I think the Wedding Industrial Complex has forgotten about the wedding officiant. I’ve met with couples who have been planning their wedding for 18 months – but didn’t think to hire an officiant until three weeks before. Many couples worry about who is going to marry them if they don’t get married in a church or a temple, or if they are non-religious or don’t want a minister or a rabbi. The WIC tells brides that they need to match their bridesmaids’ dresses to their shoes exactly, that you need monogrammed napkins and signature drinks – but tells you nothing about customizing or personalizing your wedding ceremony, which is one of the most important parts of the entire day – otherwise, it’s really just a party.
Here’s the thing: wedding officiants and Celebrants are out there! And we want to perform your wedding ceremony – exactly how you want it to be! My weddings have NO requirements when it comes to their structure or content. Sure, I’ll guide you in certain directions, based on my past experiences on what works, but you can basically choose exactly what you’d like to include in your wedding. It’s always personal, and truly reflects the people being married.
And I’m not alone in doing this – there are Celebrants all over the United States (and a few scattered across other countries, too!) who want to work with you to create a beautiful wedding ceremony. You just need to find them! And we really do all that we can so you don’t feel like you’re being married by a wedding vendor or professional – we try to make it feel like you’re being married by a friend (well, at least, I do). A friend who knows a lot about wedding traditions and the ins and outs of ceremony, that is.
So here are some tips when you begin your officiant search:
Emily and Nick were married along the shores of Lake Tahoe in August. Now – you might be thinking – isn’t Lake Tahoe in California? And, Jessie, don’t you officiate weddings in New Jersey and New York?
Emily & Nick, married in Lake Tahoe - ceremony by Eclectic Unions, officiated by a friend of the couple
Emily contacted me a few weeks before her wedding regarding my wedding ceremony writing services – they were having a friend officiate, and were having some trouble putting together a ceremony that really reflected them and showcased their love and relationship. So I worked with Emily and Nick, cross country (hurray for email!) to create a personal and special ceremony for them. It was so lovely to be a part of their wedding, even if I wasn’t actually there!
I knew when Mike, the groom, emailed me and told me that his fiance, Chris, was going to place a special bug smooshing clause into her vows that we would get along well.
Chris and Mike were so much fun to work with. Mike told me he wanted to have a lot of laughs in their ceremony, so I tried to be as light-hearted as possible, while still capturing the importance and reverence of their day (and to make the parents happy!).
There were a lot of fun details that went into creating their ceremony – let me share just a few with you:
I threw some Star Wars/Star Trek wording into my remarks.
If you are writing your own ceremony, don’t be afraid to think outside of the box when it comes to your Marriage Address, that moment where your officiant talks about marriage and love and places it in context of your relationship.
In my wedding ceremonies, I include a Love Story - the story of the couple! It’s based on their past and experience - how they met, how they fell in love, and how they decided that this was it, that they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together. It’s always sweet, always funny, and I try to elicit both laughter and a few tears with each of them, because that’s how I think a relationship should be - full of emotion.
The Love Story is in place of the sermon, homily, or officiant’s address in a more traditional ceremony - so instead of making generalities about marriage and love, and offering advice on how to create a good marriage - I use my couple’s own words to explain WHY they are a good match, why they love each other, and why they have made the choice to stand before their family and friends today, to declare their love and devotion to each other. I think it’s a great thing to include because no one will ever have it in their ceremony other than you - it really makes your ceremony all about you and your partner, and truly makes it unlike any other wedding ceremony that will ever exist!
But how do I write this, if I don’t know the couples?
I give them homework!
Well, I usually also meet my couples in person, or have some phone conversations with them, too, to get a good sense of the kind of ceremony and Love Story they are looking for. Some people want to get a certain feeling across, or not have as much humor - and I can tell from speaking and meeting people a bit about this. But the homework is really where I get most of my details and information about the Love Story from.
For all of the brides and grooms who are having a friend officiate their wedding, here are some tips and ideas from a professional wedding celebrant to make sure that your day runs smoothly. Feel free to print this out and hand it to your officiant, and it may help to look it over yourself as well!
*Be prepared! Read through the ceremony a few times, and feel free to make notes on your version of the script. Make sure all of the props are set up, and that you have copies of the vows and the readings.
*Format it! Format the script in a way that is easy for you to read - perhaps color coding or highlighting important elements or directions. Make sure to take page turns into consideration, and format it so it is easiest for you to read, in an easy to read, large font.
*Plan where you are going to stand! For my ceremonies, I prefer the couples to face each other, or slightly face out - not facing the officiant (I am sure the bride’s dress is beautiful in the back, but everyone wants to see their faces!). Find the best place for you to stand - perhaps in between them, or maybe slightly to the side, with the couple in the middle.
*Get amped! Using a microphone and amplification is a must - you want everyone to be able to hear you, the readers, and the bride and groom during their vows. The DJ, venue, or ceremony musicians can often provide a wireless mic to use. Pass it to the readers and the couple for the readings and the vows.
*Keep the love! When readers or other participants come up - feel free to have a moment, and give the bride and groom some love (a big hug!) afterwards.
Even though you’re reading my posts, do you still have questions about what exactly a celebrant is?
The fabulous Celebrant Foundation, where I was trained, put together this promotional video, to showcase everything they offer and encourage others to “Love the art of life – become a celebrant!”
If you’re not interesting in diving in, head first, to the world of ceremony and celebrants, it’s still a fabulous resource to learn more about what a celebrant really is!
Take a look!
We’re very excited to welcome another member to the Weddingbee PRO family, New Jersey based officiant Jessie Blum! She has tons of amazing tips on everything ceremony related from music to readings to interfaith ceremonies! Here is the gal of the hour to tell you a little bit about herself. 
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Hi! I’m Jessie Blum and I’m a celebrant and wedding officiant. That means that I write and officiate at completely original wedding ceremonies for my couples. I work closely with the bride and groom - incorporating stories of their relationship, any traditions or rituals to honor their backgrounds, readings, poetry, and all of that fun stuff into what becomes a wedding ceremony that is just perfect for them!
The story of how this all got started is kind of strange. When we were in college, my best friend asked me to officiate her wedding - honestly, we don’t know how it came up (we were both always wedding obsessed, so the topic wasn’t too strange), or how we decided on it, but I said sure, and that was that. The only other part of the conversation I remember was us deciding that, if I was her officiant, I would wear “multi-colored robes,” whatever that means.
Fast forward four years and her boyfriend proposes! And then she reminds me that I’m not going to be her Maid of Honor - I’m going to be her officiant!
Of course, it made sense - I had been there for their entire relationship, and though they were both culturally religious, neither was really practicing. They had a bunch of different traditional elements they knew they wanted to include (Lutheran ring vows, the Jewish chuppah, yichud, ketubah, & seven blessings, a handfasting).
Read more…
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