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This wasn’t my usual wedding.
MJ contacted me a few weeks ago – she and her fiance wanted a simple, quick, and personal wedding, but weren’t sure of the location or the date yet. When we met up, she told me her idea, and it was awesome: have the wedding, with just a few friends as witnesses, at a tattoo parlor on a Saturday afternoon…and follow it up by getting each other’s initials tattooed on their ring fingers.
I didn’t hesitate before saying yes!
As I made my way to the Lake Mohawk Country Club in Sparta, New Jersey for Meg and David’s wedding, it started to pour, and I was very concerned about the ceremony – which was to take place outside, overlooking the lake. Thankfully, the rain completely cleared up, the sun came out, and we had beautiful weather for their ceremony. Thank goodness!
Back in November, Jaseem and Genevieve got married at the Oakeside Mansion, in Bloomfield, New Jersey – a beautiful old house, with gardens in the back, where the ceremony was held. They had a sweet ceremony, with some wonderful traditions and rituals included. I’m so excited to share them!
Lauren and Tom were married at the English Manor in Ocean, NJ, on the Saturday of what had been an incredibly rainy and dreary week. But, thankfully, the clouds stayed away, and we could have the ceremony in the beautiful gardens out back.
Lauren and Tom have a really incredible Love Story – they met in their English class, their freshman year of high school – and for Tom, it was love at first sight. He has been in love with her from the moment he met her. They were friends in high school, and then lost touch after graduation. When their ten year high school reunion rolled around – Tom had no intention of going. But he decided to look up the one person he wished was still in his life – and found Lauren. How sweet is that!
It is so obvious to anyone who meets Lauren and Tom how freaking in love they are. In fact, that’s one of the requests Tom put in his homework – “If they remember one thing for the rest of their lives I want them to remember that at least once in their lives they saw two people who defined love.”
They wrote their own vows, and we also incorporated a handfasting, where they repeated vows while bound together.
So maybe you do want to write your own vows after all. There are many books, websites and random people who will give you advice, rules, outlines, and other information about putting your vows together.
But you don’t have to listen to anyone.
Your vows, like your ceremony, should reflect who you are, as well as your relationship with your soon-to-be spouse. Personalizing your vows or customizing existing vows is a great way to do this.
Here are my top five hints and tricks for writing your own vows:
Something Old: Do you really want to use the traditional “Till Death Do Us Part” vows, or have a specific vow that you heard somewhere that you just love – but you also want to exchange personalized vows during the ceremony? It’s possible. Talk to your officiant about incorporating the traditional vows elsewhere in the ceremony – in the ring vows or in “The Asking” (that’s the “I do” part of a wedding). You can even incorporate them into your personalized vows.
Something New: If you get stuck on your vows, or are having trouble figuring out how to finish them, give them to some new eyes to look at. Your bridal party, parents, or officiant are just waiting to offer suggestions and questions to help you create the perfect vows. And, if you’re choosing to not keep them a secret from each other, sharing them with your partner beforehand can often open up new ideas and stories that you may want to include.
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When I meet with couples, one of the first things I ask when we’re going over ceremony structure is whether they plan to write their own vows. Sometimes, I get a lukewarm response – “Well…maybe.” After some questions, and a few suggestions, I usually get it out of them – they would like to have original and different vows, but don’t want them to specifically be vows that they’ve written.
During my time as a Celebrant, I’ve culled a huge file of wedding vows – some original that I’ve borrowed from couples, some I’ve found in books or on the Internet, and some I’ve written myself. I present these to my couples as a jumping off point – a source of inspiration to begin to think about possibly creating their own vows. I find that often people will find vows they just love and edit them slightly to work for their situation.
Another idea that may work if you’re looking for slightly different vows – find out what vows your parents used in their wedding ceremony. Some brides and grooms like the idea of using traditional vows, because they are the same words that people have used for generations when they married – the whole tradition of the ceremony itself. If you’re planning an interfaith or multi-faith wedding, you may be able to find wedding vows that are traditional to the specific religion you’d like to honor.
Retta & Jack chose the same vows but chose not to say them. I read them aloud, and they agreed to them with “I do”
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